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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays most people read books online and there is decline in number of people reading paperback books. What are the advantages and disadvantages

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Due to
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modernization
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modernisation
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, students and
teacher
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teachers
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 are using ebooks rather
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then
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than
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 using hardcopy
this
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results
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 in
lowering
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a decrease
 in the number of paperback
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books
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book
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 readers. There are both merits and demerits of
this
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 situation, which will be elucidated in
further
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 paragraphs. One significant advantage of reading
books
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 online is that it
very
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is very
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 easy to
use
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. To
elobrate
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elaborate
 it,
books
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 on
internet
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the internet
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 are very affordable and can be
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use any
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used anytime
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time
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 at any location and
also
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 because
of
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apply
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using ebooks on
laptop
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a laptop
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, ipad or
on
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apply
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phone
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 will
also
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helps
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help
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 to not take any
physicall
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physical
 weight of that
book
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.
For instance
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, A boy wants to read a
book
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but
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, but
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 he has gone for vaction and had forgetten to bring that
book
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, which he is already reading at home
so
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, so
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 he will
ready
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read
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this
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book
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 from his
device
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.
Moreover
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, We have millions of
book
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 in our smart
phone
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 to read and many of
this
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book
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 are very cheap compared to hard copy
book
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,
this
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 helps us to afford any kind of
books
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 for
use
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. On
other
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the other
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hand
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hand,
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 a major drawback of using ebooks for
longer
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a longer
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period
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 of
time
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 will later
results
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 to strain on
eyes
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the eyes
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.
In other words
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, using
smart
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a smart
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device
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 for
longer
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a longer
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period
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 of
time
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 will later affect our eyes
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, which
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which
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resulting
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results
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 in
headache
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headaches
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 and stress.
For example
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, A student is using an ebook to read daily,
due to
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 constant eye contact with
screen
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the screen
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 for
longer
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a longer
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period
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 of
time
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eventually
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, eventually
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 in
future
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the future
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student
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the student
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 can get eye lens to wear.
Furthermore
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, using
smart
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a smart
show examples
device
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 for reading
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book
Check wording
books
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 online is helpfull but
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this
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these
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 devices keep us
destracted
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distracted
while
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 reading in forms of
notification
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notifications
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 or
phone
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 calls. In conclusion, althought reading
books
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 online is very benifical or us as it is very easy to
use
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 and
also
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 using smart
device
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 can give us access to millions of
books
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 but there are some disadvantages like using smart
phone
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 for longer
period
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 of
time
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 will
results
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 in eye strain and headache and
also
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 reading from smart
device
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 will keeps us distracted.

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task response
Score: 5. Your ideas are on topic, but some are not fully explained. For example, say why cheap books help more people read, or why a paper book may be better for the eyes.
task response
Make each main point more clear. Do not repeat the same point about easy use, low cost, and many books too many times. Give one main idea, explain it, then give one short example.
task response
Use more exact examples. Instead of saying a student may need glasses in the future, say that long screen time can cause tired eyes, so some people may read less.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 5. Your paragraph order is good, but some sentences are very long and hard to follow. Break them into shorter sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way: 'First,' 'Also,' 'However,' 'For example,' and 'As a result.' Do not start too many sentences with 'using smart device'.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one clear focus in each paragraph. In the first body paragraph, write only about easy access and low cost. In the second, write only about eye problems and phone alerts.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion repeats the main ideas, which is good. Make it shorter and use 'although... , ...' correctly: 'Although e-books are useful, they can cause eye strain and distraction.'
task response
You answer both parts of the question. You give clear good points: online books are cheap and easy to carry, but screens can hurt the eyes and cause distraction.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear form: an introduction, one paragraph for good points, one for bad points, and a conclusion.
examples
You use examples about a boy on holiday and a student reading on a screen. These help show your ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital library
  • e-reader
  • blue light
  • paper conservation
  • tactile interaction
  • memory retention
  • portability
  • collectible
  • eye comfort
  • sustainability
  • immersive experience
  • distractive technology
  • e-ink display
  • multimedia features
  • reading habits
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