IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

You should spend about 40minutes on this task.Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid.To what extent do you agree or disagree?Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250words

7.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
More and more
people
Use synonyms
 think that rich governments should give
money
Use synonyms
 to poor
countries
Use synonyms
 or provide other types of help to reduce the poverty rate. From my perspective, both proposals are beneficial for two main reasons.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, I would argue that giving
money
Use synonyms
 to weak
countries
Use synonyms
 can affect their healthcare in a positive way. The argument is that the existence of a large amount of
money
Use synonyms
 is necessary in order to get the essential products and services.
This
Linking Words
 proposal will decrease the famine rate, ultimately leading to an improvement in
people
Use synonyms
's health in the country. A study conducted by the Department of Social Sciences at Melbourne University in 2025 concluded that 65% of individuals in Somalia did not get enough daily calories.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the performance of the healthcare system will be enhanced
due to
Linking Words
 the presence of
this
Linking Words
 strategy.
Body paragraph 2
In addition
Linking Words
, I am convinced that providing scientists and teachers can positively influence the educational system. What I mean is that these well-educated
people
Use synonyms
 are crucial in an effort to raise the awareness level and their ability to invent.
This
Linking Words
 process is likely to decrease the ignorance level, which in turn improves the education in society.
For instance
Linking Words
, an educated citizen has learned how to build a bridge between two towns to deliver water.
As a result
Linking Words
, the education is likely to be enhanced if that method is taken into account.
Conclusion
In conclusion, a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 believe that advanced
countries
Use synonyms
 can improve the healthcare and educational systems of poor
countries
Use synonyms
 by giving
money
Use synonyms
 or providing other types of help.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
State your view more clearly in the first paragraph. You say that both kinds of help are good, but the question asks whether other help should take the place of money. Say if you agree, disagree, or partly agree, and keep this view clear in every paragraph.
task response
Explain why money alone may not end poverty. For example, money can be lost through poor control, or it may only help for a short time. Then explain why help such as training, schools, health care, roads, or farming support can give longer-term change.
task response
Develop each main idea further. In the money paragraph, link the money to a real health need, such as food, clean water, or clinics. In the other-help paragraph, explain how teachers and skilled workers can help local people continue the work after they leave.
task response
Use examples that are clear and believable. The Somalia study is useful, but explain how aid would change the situation. The bridge example is too general and does not clearly show how foreign teachers or scientists caused the result.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body paragraphs, and an ending. To make the flow stronger, use each paragraph for one full idea: money aid in one paragraph and non-money aid in the next. End each paragraph by linking it back to poverty.
coherence and cohesion
Make the links between sentences more exact. Phrases such as “This proposal” and “this strategy” are not always clear. Name the idea again, for example: “Financial aid can help hospitals buy food and medicine.”
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating broad words such as “improve,” “enhanced,” and “education.” Use simple, direct links: “As a result,” “For this reason,” and “However.” This will make the argument easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make the conclusion answer the question directly. It now repeats that both forms of help can work, but it should say which form should be the main focus and why.
task response
You give a clear view that both money and other forms of help can be useful.
task response
You choose two relevant areas: health and education. Both are closely linked to poverty.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, two main paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use signposting words such as “First of all,” “In addition,” and “In conclusion” to guide the reader.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • poverty alleviation
  • economic inequality
  • developing nations
  • foreign aid
  • sustainable growth
  • technical assistance
  • expertise
  • infrastructure
  • education
  • fair trade
  • trade barriers
  • sustainable development
  • environmental conservation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: