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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, many parents spend less time with their children because of work commitments. What problems does this cause, and what solutions can you suggest?

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In recent days, a
lot
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 of
parents
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devote
Verb problem
apply
show examples
lack
of
Change preposition
apply
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time
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 with their
children
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 because of
work
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 responsibilities.
This
Linking Words
 problem may cause a
lot
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 of
harms
Check wording
harm
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 for their
children
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Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 they can be lack of support
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they may
encouter
Correct your spelling
encounter
 different behavioural problems. One of the
primarly
Correct your spelling
primary
 problems is that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
children
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 may not have enough support, attention and
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 upbringing. As a person’s lifestyle, there are a
lot
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 of
parents
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 who
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
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 even
if
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apply
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on weekends
so
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apply
show examples
,
Linking Words
that
Correct word choice
so that
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 is to say, their
children
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 can not
reach
Verb problem
receive
show examples
 parental
gudiance
Correct your spelling
guidance
 and may be
shortage
Replace the word
short
 of attention.
Aditionally as
Rephrase
Additionally
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,
caregivers
Correct word choice
as caregivers
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 and affection between their
children
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 may
spoilt and
Wrong verb form
be spoiled
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it
Punctuation problem
, it
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 can lead to
poor
Correct article usage
a poor
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 parent-child relationship.
As a result
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,
children
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 may be dependent
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 different
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of electronic devices, their knowledge may become passive
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they might feel
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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isolated.
In addition
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, there are still affordable approaches to tackle family issues, fortunately. First and foremost,
parents
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 should try to give equal attention
both
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to both
show examples
work
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 and family.
This
Linking Words
 would allow them to spend quality
time
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 with their
children
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 and always find free
time
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 for them
even
Punctuation problem
, even
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 if they have a
lot
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 of
work
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.
As a result
Linking Words
, they can eat dinner or
desert
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dessert
show examples
 together, play
such
Linking Words
 kind of games or talk about their day.
Furthermore
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,
parents
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 should strengthen their relationship and support them when they need. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
work
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 commitments reduce the
time
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 that
parents
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spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 with their
children
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,
this
Linking Words
 can lead to emotional and
behavioral
Change the spelling
behavioural
show examples
 problems.
However
Linking Words
, spending quality
time
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 with their
children
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 can lead to
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 impact on their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.

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overall score
Score: 5. Your ideas are on the topic and you answer both questions, but some points need clearer support and more exact examples.
task response
Explain each problem more fully. For example, say how little time can make a child feel sad, act badly at school, or find it hard to talk about problems.
task response
Give one clear example for each main point. For example: a parent who works every weekend may miss meals, school events, and talks with the child.
task response
Make the solutions more real. Do not only say parents should give equal attention. Say they can set one evening each week for family time, eat together, or read with the child before bed.
task response
Some ideas are not well explained. The point about electronic devices and “passive knowledge” needs a clearer link to parents being away.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. In the problems paragraph, first write about lack of care, then write about behavior problems in a separate paragraph or with a clear new sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Use simpler and clearer links. “Additionally as” and “so, that is to say” make the meaning hard to follow. Use “Also”, “Because of this”, or “For example” instead.
coherence and cohesion
Make your ending match all your points. It should say that less time can cause poor care and behavior problems, and that planned family time can help.
task response
You answer both parts: problems and ways to help.
task response
Your main ideas are clear: children may feel alone and may have behavior problems.
coherence and cohesion
You use a clear four-part shape: start, problems, solutions, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “As a result”, “In addition”, and “Furthermore” help link ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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