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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Pie chart to show main reason people in and out of the UK

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The pie chart below demonstrates the primary reasons for both emigration and
immigration
Use synonyms
 from the UK in 2007.
Linking Words
overall
Capitalize the word
Overall
show examples
, it is crystal clear that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
the chart
consist
Correct subject-verb agreement
consists
show examples
 of 5 different categories. Definitive job is
superior
Correct article usage
a superior
show examples
reason
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 both
case
Fix the agreement mistake
cases
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, the least striking
reason
Use synonyms
 for emigration is formal study,
while
Linking Words
 in
immigration
Use synonyms
 it is reasonless. On the one hand, in
Use synonyms
immigration
Add a comma
immigration,
show examples
 30% of people moved to the
uk
Capitalize the proper name
UK
show examples
 because they had a definite job.
This
Linking Words
 was followed by
formal
Correct article usage
a formal
show examples
 study, which accounted for 26% of immigrants. Another 15 % of individuals came
for accompany
Wrong verb form
to be accompanied
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 12% come for searching for work. The remaining reasons were less general
with
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 classified with 11%
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 only 6% stated no
reason
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
largest
Correct article usage
the largest
show examples
 proportion of people leaving the UK because of definitive job, which is represented by 29% of
among
Change preposition
apply
show examples
emigrants. Unlike
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
immigration
Use synonyms
, looking for work was
second
Correct article usage
the second
show examples
 most striking
reason
Use synonyms
 for emigrants
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 accounted for 22%.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 18% of people stated no arguments for
emigranting
Correct your spelling
emigrating
,
while
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 14% of emigrants left for other reasons.
However
Linking Words
, accompany releated emigration accounted for 13% and just 4% emigrated for formal study, which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 it the least common
reason
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words immigration, reason with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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