IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries children have very strict rules of behaviour, while in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they want. To what extent should children have to follow rules? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
In many nations, kids must seriously follow the rules nowadays. In the future,
this
Linking Words
 will pay them back with huge
benefit
Check wording
benefits
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as self-discipline or responsibility. In my opinion, I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, and the following examples will be provided in order to support my point of view. One of the most important reasons why the youth should obey regulations is that in a
chaoticworld
Correct your spelling
chaotic world
, there are so many triggers to lead children to wrong pathways since the world has innovation called Social media, which has more dramatic negative impacts on adolescents than positive.
For example
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the latest news reported by ABC
news
Capitalize the proper name
News
show examples
, in Australia in 2025, the government has banned social network platforms
such
Linking Words
 as Facebook, X, and many more.
Due to
Linking Words
 awareness of youngster will be influenced by activities on platforms. Another reason to support
this
Linking Words
 is the fact that following the rules will bring children to a bright future. In Thailand, a number of local schools
,
Verb problem
require
show examples
 teachers
have
Verb problem
apply
show examples
to show up early
morning
Change preposition
in the morning
show examples
 in front of the school's entrance gates. They wait for students to come in and greet each other. Students must bow and always call Mister or Misses. In
this
Linking Words
 case, as my experience,
this
Linking Words
 gives a lot of benefits for them when they start work-life ,
such
Linking Words
 as self-discipline
,
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 punctuality. In conclusion, it is undoubtedly true that they encounter many more benefits for the youth when they obey regulations because it helps them have self-discipline and self-control.
Moreover
Linking Words
, advantages in their own future.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Estimated score: 5. Your answer is clear, but it does not fully answer “To what extent”. Say how far you agree. For example: children should follow important rules, but they should also have some freedom.
task response
Add the other side of the idea. Explain that very strict rules may make children afraid, unable to choose, or unable to learn from small mistakes. Then say why your own view is better.
task response
Make your examples more closely linked to the question. The Australia example is about social media rules, but explain what rule children should follow and how it helps them. The Thailand example is useful, but explain why respect rules should not become too strict.
task response
Develop each main idea more. Do not only say that rules give self-control and a bright future. Explain the steps: rules teach children to manage time, respect other people, and make safe choices.
coherence and cohesion
Your first body part is hard to follow. Put one main idea first, then explain it, then give one example. Do not put too many ideas in one long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear links between ideas. For example: “First, rules can keep children safe.” Then: “This is because...” Then: “For example...” This will make the order easier to see.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same words for the same idea. You use “kids”, “children”, “youth”, “adolescents”, and “youngster”. Mostly use “children” so the essay is easier to read.
coherence and cohesion
Your end repeats the main idea, which is good, but it is not complete. End with a clear final view: children need firm rules for safety and respect, but these rules should be fair and should leave room for choice.
task response
You give a clear view: children should follow rules. You also give two main reasons: rules can keep children safe, and rules can help them in later life.
task response
You use examples from Australia and Thailand. This makes your ideas more real.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end. This is a good basic plan.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “For example”, “Another reason”, and “In conclusion” help the reader follow your writing.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • upbringing
  • discipline
  • autonomy
  • safety
  • responsibility
  • creativity
  • critical thinking
  • independence
  • boundaries
  • rebellion
  • holistic development
  • structure
  • nurturing environment
  • behavioral expectations
  • social norms
  • authority
  • decision-making skills
  • consequences
  • respect
What to do next:
Look at other essays: