IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

You recently visited a public park in your area and noticed that it needs improvement. Write a letter to the local authority responsible for maintaining the park. In your letter: •Introduce yourself •Describe the problems you noticed in the park •Suggest some improvements that could be made

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Dear Sir or Madam, My name is Ibrahim. I have been living for 2 years in
Tupper
Correct article usage
the Tupper
show examples
 neighbourhood. I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to bring some concerns to your attention, which I noticed in the public park. During my
last
Linking Words
 visit, the
bench
Use synonyms
 near the gameplay area was broken. Some sharp parts put children at risk when they run close to the
bench
Use synonyms
.
In addition
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, some garbage baskets release a very bad scent into the air, deteriorating people's enjoyable time. We are residents of the area, and we use the park every day for our social needs.
However
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, these problems have a detrimental effect on our lives, forcing us to look for other options which are far away from our neighbourhood. Considering these problems, I would like to request a maintenance service to repair the
bench
Use synonyms
 and clean the garbage baskets. Alternatively, you could change the
bench
Use synonyms
 and these garbage baskets with new ones if maintenance is not available. Thank you for your time and consideration. I am looking forward to your response. Best regards, Ibrahim

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task response
You answer all three parts: who you are, the park problems, and your ideas. To get a higher score, add one or two more clear details, such as where the bad bins are or how often they are cleaned.
task response
Your tone is polite and right for a letter to the local office. Use more direct words: write “play area” instead of “gameplay area” and “bins” instead of “garbage baskets.”
coherence and cohesion
Your letter has a clear start, body, and end. Put the park problems in one paragraph and your ideas in the next, as you do now.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words to make the ideas flow: “First,” “Also,” and “For this reason.” Avoid long sentences when a short one is clearer.
task response
You clearly say why you are writing and ask for repair and cleaning work.
task response
The letter is polite, with a good greeting and ending.
coherence and cohesion
The problems are easy to understand: a broken bench and bad-smelling bins.
coherence and cohesion
You use helpful link words, such as “In addition” and “However.”
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