IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Young people who commit crimes should be treated in the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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oung
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Young
 people who commit crimes are often believed to deserve the same
punishment
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 as
adults
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.
While
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 some people argue that equal treatment ensures justice, I largely disagree with
this
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 view because juveniles are less mature and have a greater capacity for
rehabilitation
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.
However
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, in cases of serious crime, stricter measures may be justified. One of the main reasons why young
offenders
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 should not be treated in exactly the same way as
adults
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 is that they are still developing psychologically and emotionally. Teenagers are more likely to make impulsive decisions and can be strongly influenced by friends or their social environment.
Consequently
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, they may not fully understand the consequences of their actions.
For instance
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, a teenager may become involved in theft or vandalism
due to
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 peer pressure rather than criminal intent.
Therefore
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, it would be unfair to hold them to the same level of responsibility as a mature adult.
Furthermore
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, the purpose of the juvenile justice system should be
rehabilitation
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 rather than
punishment
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. Since young people are still forming their values and behaviour, they are generally more capable of change. Measures
such
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 as counselling, education programmes and community service can help them become productive members of society.
In contrast
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, sending young
offenders
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 to adult prisons may expose them to hardened criminals and increase the likelihood of reoffending.
As a result
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,
rehabilitation
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 is often a more effective solution than severe
punishment
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.
Nevertheless
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, there are situations in which young
offenders
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 should face penalties similar to those imposed on
adults
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. Crimes
such
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 as murder, rape or armed robbery can have devastating consequences for victims and society. In these circumstances, the seriousness of the offence must be taken into account.
While
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 the offender's age should remain a consideration, it should not completely shield them from significant legal consequences. In conclusion, I disagree that young criminals should always be treated in the same way as
adults
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.
Although
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 severe crimes may require harsher
punishment
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, most juvenile
offenders
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 should receive treatment that focuses on
rehabilitation
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, as
this
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 approach offers a better chance of reducing future crime and helping them reintegrate into society.

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task response
Score: 8. To get a 9, give one more clear example or fact for each main point. For example, say how a school or help plan can stop a young person from doing crime again.
task response
Make your main view even more direct in the first part. You could say: 'I disagree to a large extent.' This makes your position fully clear at once.
task response
The part about serious crime is good, but add what 'similar penalties' means. For example, it may mean a long time in a safe place, but with school and help.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 8. The flow is strong. To get a 9, link the last main part more closely to your view. Start it with: 'However, this does not mean that all young offenders should avoid hard punishment.'
coherence and cohesion
Some links repeat a cause-and-result pattern, such as 'Consequently', 'Therefore', and 'As a result'. This is not a big problem, but you can use fewer links when the idea is already clear.
coherence and cohesion
In the first main part, the example could be joined more directly to the point. After the example, add: 'This shows why their age and state of mind matter.'
task response
Your answer is clear. You say that you mostly disagree, and you keep this view to the end.
task response
You cover both sides. You explain why most young people need help and change, but you also say that very bad crimes may need hard punishment.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a good four-part shape: start, two main parts, one other view, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words such as 'Furthermore', 'Nevertheless', and 'In conclusion' help the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Each main part has one clear point and then an explanation. This makes the writing easy to read.
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