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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the average monthly change in the prices of three metals during 2014

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The graph gives information about the moderate change in
costs
Correct article usage
the costs
show examples
 of three metallic materials per
month
Use synonyms
 in 2014.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is notable that in spite of the fact that
Nickle
Correct your spelling
Nickel
 had the highest figure at
first,
Linking Words
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period it stood at the lowest figure.
coming
Capitalize the word
Coming
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next
Punctuation problem
next,
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Zinc
Use synonyms
 and Copper with remarkable ups and downs, placed almost the same level with Nickl in
December
Use synonyms
 . Looking at Nickle, starting with 6% in the first
month
Use synonyms
 and experiencing a sharp fall to 1% up to March
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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then
Linking Words
 it levelled
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
 same percentage
off
Change preposition
apply
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until the next
month
Use synonyms
 and
plummeting
Wrong verb form
plummeted
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 sharply to -3% in January. By the next
Use synonyms
month
Add a comma
month,
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 it doubled and maintained the same figure for the
two next
Correct word order
next two
show examples
 months. Even though
that
Correct word choice
apply
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it declined again to -2% in October, it rapidly grew to 1% and stabilized the same statistic until
December
Use synonyms
. Turning to
Zinc
Use synonyms
 and Copper
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 started with almost similar percentages
1
Punctuation problem
, 1
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% and 2% respectively,
Zinc
Use synonyms
 witnessed a steep rise to 3% in February.
Linking Words
in
Capitalize the word
In
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 contrast, Copper decreased gradually and stood at almost -0.5 until January
only
Punctuation problem
, only
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 to go up again to 1% and stay at the same level until September. Cooper finished the period with nearly 0.5% in
December
Use synonyms
.
Zinc
Use synonyms
 dropped steadily to -1% until October and climbed to 2%
becoming
Punctuation problem
, becoming
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 the most expensive metal in
December
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words month, zinc, december with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • average monthly change
  • prices of metals
  • trend
  • spike
  • fluctuation
  • increase
  • decrease
  • sharp rise
  • sharp fall
  • stability
  • volatility
  • data points
  • comparison
  • contrast
  • external factors
  • influences
  • market dynamics
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