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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some educationalists say that every child should be taught how to play a musical instrument. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In our modern society, more and more educationalists believe that youngsters ought to be taught how to play a musical
insterument
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instrument
 at an early age.In
this
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 essay, I will state
so
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some
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 facts on why I strongly agree.
To begin
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with
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with,
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 the first justification
on
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for
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 why I strongly agree with
this
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statment
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statement
 is
because
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that
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 families must provide for their
childrens
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children
 something useful and at the same time beneficial.To
elaborat
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elaborate
, if
perents
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parents
 teach their youngsters how to play a musical instrument, it will boost their level of concentration and the
abillity
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ability
 to save
notites
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notes
 that are being provided to them by the teacher in order to keep
practicing regulary
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practising regularly
 on the
insturment
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instrument
.
As a result
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,
childrens
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children
 will be more
focuse
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focused
 at
school
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 and in daily tasks
due to
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 the regular concentration they have been doing at
thier
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their
 music classes.
According to
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 a study in
China
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China,
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showed that
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apply
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30
percent
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per cent
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 of students who faced
hard
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a hard
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 time foucing at
school
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 work were sent to
one-month
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a one-month
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in a
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apply
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musical
school
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and
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, and
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 their level of concentration and
effacancey
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efficiency
 at
school
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 increased by 60 percent than before. Another reason to support my argument is that there is a high chance for
childerns
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children
 to make new friends by doing something enjoyable,
such
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 as learning to play a new instrument. To illustrate, when a child is sent to a helping and supportive
environment
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environment,
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this
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 will
reflact
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reflect
 positively on she\he which will result in a more confident person. On balance, parents should take what the educationalists are suggesting for their
childrens
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children
 because it
is
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apply
show examples
enhances children's
abillites
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abilities
 in many
asspects
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aspects
.

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task response
Score: 5. Your view is clear, but the ideas are not fully explained. For example, explain more clearly how music lessons can help children focus at school.
task response
Your second reason is too short. Say how playing in a group, joining a class, or giving a small show can help children make friends and feel sure of themselves.
task response
Be careful with your example. The numbers are very strong, but you do not explain where the study came from. A simple, realistic example from school may be better.
task response
The question says “every child”. You should also talk about children who may not have money, time, or interest. You can still agree, but say schools should give free or low-cost lessons and let children choose an instrument.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 5. Put one clear main idea at the start of each body part. Then explain it, give an example, and link it back to your view.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are not clear. For example, “To begin with the first justification...” is too long. Write: “First, learning an instrument can improve children’s focus.”
coherence and cohesion
Use simple links in a natural way: “First”, “For example”, “This means that”, “Also”, and “In conclusion”.
coherence and cohesion
Your last part should clearly repeat your view and sum up both reasons. Do not add new ideas there.
task response
You clearly agree with the idea, and you give two main reasons: better focus and making friends.
task response
You use an example about a study in China. This helps support your first main point.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “To begin with”, “As a result”, “Another reason”, and “On balance”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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