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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people argue that in order to improve educational quality, high school students should encouraged to question and offer criticisms on their teachers. Others think this will lead to loss of respect and indiscipline in the classroom. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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It is increasingly argued that the level of education in some countries is below the global standard.
Whereas
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 a proportion of individuals believe that high school
students
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 should be given the capability to inquire and write drawbacks on their
educators
Use synonyms
. Others hold the view that it will result to lack of manners and ethics in the classroom.
This
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 essay will discuss both viewpoints and present my personal opinion. On one hand, proponents of the concept of offering criticisms on
teachers
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 by
students
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 often point to the fact that it will reduce educational manipulation across all school systems.
This
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 is largely because reviews by
students
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 will be revealed to the Department of Education, which effectively means
teachers
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 will be questioned on their performance.
In addition
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, bullying and inappropriate language by
educators
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 will vanish
due to
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 the effect of it in the annual assessment.
For instance
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, a recent study from a British university showed that bullying complaints from
students
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 against their
teachers
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 had dropped 60 per cent
as a result
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 of allowing learners to assess
educators
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.
On the other hand
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, some unethical
students
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 may use criticism as a source of threat to
teachers
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, whether by receiving high grades or
even
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apply
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not doing assignments. Which means no respect is given to the educator.
Moreover
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, a teacher should not be stressed
while
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 teaching, the primary reason is that it affects the quality of teaching and productivity,
hence
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efficiency
Correct article usage
the efficiency
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 of graduates
decline
Correct subject-verb agreement
declines
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. A clear example of
this
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 can be seen in Texas, where a large proportion of
educators
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 left their occupations because of constant stress
on
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the annual assessment by their learners. In conclusion, there is no straightforward response to the presented question.
However
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, I tend to believe that the quality of education will
enhance
Wrong verb form
be enhanced
show examples
 if
students
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 are able to question and criticise
teachers
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 as long as transparency is present.

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task response
Score: 6. Your answer covers all parts of the task, but some ideas need more care. Explain more clearly how students can question teachers in a good and fair way, not only make complaints.
task response
Your examples help, but they sound made up because there are no clear facts or details. You can use a simple, real-life style example instead, such as a school that lets students give private feedback at the end of term.
task response
Your own view is given, but it is too short. Say that students should be free to ask questions and give feedback, but schools should have rules so this does not become abuse.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 6. The order of ideas is good, but some sentences do not connect well. For example, “Which means no respect is given to the educator” is not a full sentence. Join it to the sentence before it.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same words for key ideas. You use “teachers”, “educators”, and “learners”. This is not wrong, but “teachers” and “students” are simpler and clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Some points need a clearer link to the main idea. In the first body part, explain why student feedback can improve teaching, not only why it can stop bad teacher behavior.
task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view at the end.
task response
Your main ideas are clear: student views may help check teachers, but they may also be used in a bad way.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part form: start, one side, the other side, and end.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear link words such as “On one hand”, “In addition”, “On the other hand”, and “In conclusion”.
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