IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people say that seeing ancient objects in a musuem can give the public a unique awarness of history.Others say that modern media ,such as films or talks on the internet provide a more effictive way for the public to learn about history Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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Many people believe that
,
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apply
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 visiting
museum
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museums
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 and seeing historical archives do provide better understanding of olden times.
Whereas
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 others argue that digital media presents better
overall
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 knowledge about stuff. In my
opinion
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opinion,
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 online experience cannot replace that physical presence at
site
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the site
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. On the one hand, mankind and other living objects have
historical
Correct article usage
a historical
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 collection of thousands of years, studying and researching
on those
Change preposition
these
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 ancient objects provides significant data for modern developments. Humans are often opting out to visit ancient exhibitions
which
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, which
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 is more than a recreational activity, it increases leaining curve.To exemplify it,
great
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the great
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 Egyptian Pyramids
offers a
Correct subject-verb agreement
offer an
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 exceptional visiting
exposure
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experience
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 to voyageurs to physically see and feel the marvel from the past, which
consequently
Linking Words
increase
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increases
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 their thrust to attain more relevant details.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there is
denial
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a denial
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 of
fact
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the fact
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 that digital means
such
Linking Words
 as movies, documentaries and research blogs are getting
popularity
Replace the word
popular
 in
current
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the current
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 era, which are comparatively easy and cheap
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
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 of learning about ancient times.
However
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, it offers
a
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apply
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limited benefits
which does
Correct subject-verb agreement
that do
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 not involve any practical exposure.
For instance
Linking Words
, someone studying history can refer to all
stuff
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the stuff
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provides
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provided
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 by his/her institute, which
are
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apply
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often
consist
Correct subject-verb agreement
consists
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 of slides, research papers
but
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, but
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 certification cannot be completed without onsite visits and submitting
thesis
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a thesis
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. In conclusion,
either
Correct word choice
whether
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 to visit a museum/ historical exhibition in person or staying in a referring to digital collection of ancient objects
is
Verb problem
apply
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primarily depends on individuals’ preference. People who are deciding to ancestors places are getting more benefits.

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task response
Estimated score: 5. Your main view is clear, but some ideas are not fully explained. Say more clearly why seeing real old things gives a special sense of history. For example, people can see their size, age, and small details with their own eyes.
task response
Keep your examples close to the question. The part about a thesis and certification is not a strong example for the public learning history. Use an example of a person seeing a real old coin or tool in a museum.
task response
Give a fairer view of media. Films, online talks, and videos can show places that many people cannot visit. They can also use maps, old photos, and expert talks. Then explain why you still think museums are better.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body part follow one simple plan: main idea, reason, example, and short result. Some sentences now move to a new idea too fast.
coherence and cohesion
Your last paragraph is not fully clear. “staying in a referring to digital collection” is hard to understand. End with one direct sentence, such as: “In my view, modern media is useful, but museums give a deeper and more real sense of history.”
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words only when they fit. “Whereas” in the first paragraph makes the sentence hard to read. Write two short sentences instead: “Some people think museums are best. Others think modern media is more useful.”
task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view: real visits are better than online learning.
task response
You use examples, such as the Egyptian Pyramids and study at an institute.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an end.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear linking words, such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “However”, and “For instance”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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