IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is often argued that the enormous growth of E-shopping will lead all shops in towns and cities to be closed.
This
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 essay disagrees with
this
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 statement.I firmly believe that shops will still exist and will not be closing anytime soon. On the one hand,online shopping has a lot of advantages
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such
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, such
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 as being time-efficient
and
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, and
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 it makes it easier to buy things.
Also
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, it makes seeing products like milk,wine and canned drinks easier.
For example
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,
instead
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 of going to the real
store
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store,
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 you can purchase anything you want.
Therefore
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,a huge number of people prefer to shop online
instead
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 of going to town to buy things.
As a result
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,stores will decrease dramatically
and
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, and
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 some of them will close permanently.
On the other hand
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,physical shopping has numerous advantages
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,
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also
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such
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 as if you are trying to purchase clothes and you need to see your size.
Moreover
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, if you want to see the expiration date, you can not do that in online shopping.
For instance
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,old school people love going to the real shop to buy things
and
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, and
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 they will never try online shopping.
Therefore
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,a lot of shops will stay strong and will not close.
To conclude
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,I do not agree that the growth of E-shopping will beat real stores and make them close.The real picture will see the continued relocation of most retail outlets from the high street and city centre , and they will be replaced by entertainment spaces or converted to residential use.

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task response
Score: 5. Your main answer is clear, but the last part does not match it well. You say shops will not close, but then say most retail outlets will move away from town and city centres. Make your final view stay the same from start to end.
task response
Explain more why shops will stay open. For example, people may need to try clothes on, get food at once, or ask a shop worker for help.
task response
Your examples are too general. “Milk, wine and canned drinks” do not show why online shopping is better. Use one clear, full example for each main point.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 5. Each body part has one main idea, but some ideas move too fast. Add a clear reason after each point, then give an example.
coherence and cohesion
Use link words with care. “On the one hand” and “On the other hand” are fine, but avoid using “Also” too much. Try: “First”, “In addition”, “However”, and “As a result”.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the word order is not clear. Write shorter sentences. For example: “People can buy many things online without going to a shop.”
coherence and cohesion
Do not add a new idea in the end. The idea about homes and fun places should be in a body part, or leave it out.
task response
You give a clear view: you do not agree that all shops will close.
task response
You show both sides: why online shopping is popular and why real shops still matter.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an end.
coherence and cohesion
You use link words such as “For example”, “Therefore”, and “To conclude”.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • e-commerce
  • brick-and-mortar
  • physical stores
  • online retailers
  • retail apocalypse
  • digital economy
  • consumer behavior
  • sustainability
  • commercial landscape
  • high-street
  • consumer trends
  • augmented reality
  • showrooms
  • carbon footprint
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