Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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Completing university
education
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has become more prevalent as years have passed. With many educational institutes, world leaders, and parents enforcing the importance of completing it, which means
further
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education
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has become a non-negotiable part of schooling. Despite
this
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, there are
also
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many who argue that attending school is overly idealised, and that having practical life skills is much more crucial in succeeding.
This
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essay will examine both the advantages and disadvantages of completing schooling and developing soft
abilities
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skills
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,
while
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also
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evaluating which side is considered to be more vital to success. Completing and earning a diploma is seen as an achievement, as it proves the effort and intelligence of an individual.
In other words
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, one of the advantages of completing an academy is that it acts as a certificate that validates all of the learning and efforts a man has put into a certain field of study.
However
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, it is
also
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seen as a pricey investment for most countries. In countries
such
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as the United States, university is often associated with the word "student debt", as most students, after completing
it
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their studies
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, would have to repay all of their school fees.
However
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, without receiving any help from the government, a lower-middle to lower-class family would not be able to afford the luxury of attending an educational institution. Alternatively, developing soft talents is an overlooked concept; what most do not know
,
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apply
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is that developing soft abilities will actually help a human succeed
further
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. By gaining experience in all fields, a person is able to face all the harsh realities life may throw at them.
In addition
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, being able to have hands-on experience provides a person with more familiarity with their work field. Regardless, one of the downsides to not furthering your
education
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is that the greater opportunities become much more limited. Most employment opportunities nowadays require a certain level of literacy, which often means being a graduate. By not attending
further
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education
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, the person may be a lot more restricted when it comes to things
such
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as receiving a bonus or getting a raise in their job. Moving on, it is
also
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crucial to evaluate which side is much more valuable. In my opinion, attending college is much more valuable than gaining life experience.
This
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is
due to
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the ever-increasing number of requirements employers desire, which makes it hard for non-college graduates to meet. Despite that, it is
also
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less accessible for people who are in the middle-lower to lower social classes. To address
such
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problems, I believe that it is crucial to lower the barrier of entry to
further
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education
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, as everyone deserves an equal opportunity when it comes to
education
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.
To conclude
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this
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essay,
further
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education
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is often romanticised and idealised by most people in the modern world,
while
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gaining practical growth qualifications is seen as unimportant and useless. Rather than looking down upon them for not attaining a degree, we should encourage and provide the less fortunate with more opportunities.

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task response
Your main ideas are relevant, but some parts move away from the question. The question asks about a good job. Focus more on jobs, pay, job choice, and work success.
task response
Explain each side more fully. For university, say how a degree gives needed knowledge for jobs such as doctor, teacher, or engineer. For experience and soft skills, say how speaking well, team work, and problem solving help at work.
task response
Your opinion is clear, but it needs stronger support. Explain why a degree is more important even when a person has good work skills.
coherence and cohesion
Use one body paragraph for each view. At present, each paragraph gives both good and bad points, so the main point is less clear.
coherence and cohesion
Make your topic sentences closer to the question. For example: “A university degree can help people enter skilled jobs.”
coherence and cohesion
Some words are unclear or not natural, such as “completing an academy”, “soft talents”, and “practical growth qualifications”. Use simple, clear words: “finishing university”, “soft skills”, and “work experience”.
coherence and cohesion
The last paragraph repeats ideas about poor people and equal chances. End by clearly restating both views and your choice.
task response
You discuss both views and give a clear opinion: college is more valuable.
task response
You use a clear real-life example about student debt in the United States.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “However”, “Alternatively”, “In addition”, and “To conclude”.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • theoretical knowledge
  • specialized training
  • networking
  • baseline requirement
  • financial burden
  • hands-on experience
  • practical skills
  • soft skills
  • dynamic job market
  • entrepreneur
  • formal education
  • portfolio
  • hybrid approach
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