IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace (e.g. at home, when traveling, etc.). Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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With the rapid development of technology nowadays, remote working has become increasingly prevalent.
This
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 essay will discuss the pros and cons of
this
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 trend and explain why I believe the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. Admittedly, remote working makes the boundary between
work
Use synonyms
 and life more vague. Since the internet can connect
people
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 all over the world,
people
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 can
work
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at
Change preposition
from
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 any place and
any
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at any
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 time by using digital devices.
For instance
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, when an employer requires an urgent meeting, they can arrange an online meeting immediately without the need
of
Change preposition
for
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 actual presence.
However
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,
this
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 may result in
people
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 being forced to
work
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 during their holidays or
trip
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trips
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. Despite the downsides remote working may cause, I believe the advantages of remote working are more significant than the disadvantages. Remote working makes working and learning more convenient and accessible.
For instance
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, during the pandemic in 2020, schools switched to online classes.
This
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 enabled students to keep learning and ensured their health at the same time. Remote working
also
Linking Words
 allowed
people
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remain
Verb problem
to remain
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 working and being paid.
Thus
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, during that period, the world was still operating
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the financial situation was relatively more stable than it should have been. In conclusion,
although
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 the development of remote working occasionally blurs the line between
people
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’s
work
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 and life, I believe the convenience and efficiency that remote working provides outweigh the drawbacks.

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task response
Score: 6. You answer the question, but your main idea needs more help. Give one more clear good point, such as less time and money spent on travel to work.
task response
Make the bad point more exact. Say that people may feel they must answer work calls at night or on days off.
task response
The part about online school is useful, but it is not fully about people doing their jobs. Add a work example, such as a parent who can work from home and save travel time.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 6. Your order is good, but paragraph two has two different ideas: online learning and paid work. Put each main idea in its own paragraph, or link them more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer first line for each main part. For example: "One main good point is that remote work saves time." Then give an example and say why it matters.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are not fully clear. In "Remote working also allowed people remain working", add "to": "allowed people to remain at work" or "allowed people to keep working".
task response
You give a clear view: the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
Your examples about work in the 2020 health crisis and online school are on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear start, main parts, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as "However", "Despite", "For instance", and "Thus" help the reader follow your ideas.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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