IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some people suggest that the government should spend money putting more works of art like paintings and statues into towns and citirs to make them attractive places to what extend do you agree or disagree

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There is a view that the government should allocate
money
Use synonyms
putting
Wrong verb form
to put
show examples
 more
works
Use synonyms
 of
art
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as paintings and statues
into
Punctuation problem
, into
show examples
town
Check wording
towns
show examples
 and cities to make them more attractive places. I fully agree
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
with this
show examples
 viewpoint for several reasons. When authorities invest
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
works
Use synonyms
 of
art
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as organising
art
Use synonyms
 exhibitions and galleries, individuals
more
Verb problem
are more
show examples
 likely to learn and broaden their understanding
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
works
Use synonyms
 of
art
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
is
Change preposition
in
show examples
 turn
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 leads people to spend more time in
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 places. A good case in point is Uzbekistan, where
art
Use synonyms
 organisations establish many
art
Use synonyms
 galleries and exhibitions in city centres and towns.
As a result
Linking Words
 , many people familiar with
works
Use synonyms
 of
art
Use synonyms
 , particularly
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the younger generations has become more interested in
art
Use synonyms
 and attend
art
Use synonyms
 classes in their free time. Another benefit of
this
Linking Words
 statement is that it is beneficial for
tourism
Correct article usage
the tourism
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 sector and
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
. Places which are decorated with paintings in different genres and statues attract many tourists who are interested in
works
Use synonyms
 of
art
Use synonyms
. Many
well-noun
Correct your spelling
well-known
art
Use synonyms
 exhibitions earn a lot of
money
Use synonyms
 from showing
works
Use synonyms
 of
art
Use synonyms
very
Rephrase
every
show examples
 year. Some
art
Use synonyms
 enthusiasts purchase paintings
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 sales for a lot of
money
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is beneficial for
local
Correct article usage
the local
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 economy and
organisations
Check wording
the organisation's
show examples
 financial state.
Moreover
Linking Words
 ,
art
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 represents
countries
Check wording
a country's
show examples
 culture and history.
For instance
Linking Words
, statues of many famous ancestors,
such
Linking Words
 as scientists and
royals
Punctuation problem
royals,
show examples
 educate
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 about ancient times and remind their breakthroughs. In conclusion, I firmly believe that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should invest
money
Use synonyms
putting
Change preposition
in putting
show examples
 more
works
Use synonyms
 of
art
Use synonyms
 because
this
Linking Words
 development has long-term benefits for both local people and
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
.

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task response
Estimated score: 6. Your answer is on topic and your view is clear. To get a higher score, explain more directly how art in streets, parks, and town centres makes a place more attractive. Much of your first main part is about art shows and classes, not art put into towns and cities.
task response
Make each main idea more fully developed. For example, say that statues and wall art can make public places more beautiful, give people places to meet, and make visitors want to stay longer.
task response
Your Uzbekistan example is useful, but it is a little general. Give one clear example of a town place, such as a park with statues or a wall with art, and explain the result.
task response
In the end, restate your main reasons clearly: art helps make places more beautiful and can bring more visitors and money.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each body part closer to one main point. In body 1, write only about how public art helps local people and makes towns look better. In body 2, write about visitors, money, and culture.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are not clear because of grammar: write “This, in turn, leads people to spend more time in these places.” Also write “people are more likely to learn” and “the younger generation has become more interested”.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words in a clear way: “First”, “For example”, “As a result”, “Second”, and “In conclusion”. Do not add too many ideas in one long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Check small word forms because they can make the flow less clear: “towns”, “cities”, “invest in”, “well-known”, “every year”, “the country’s culture”, and “the public”.
task response
You give a clear view: you fully agree. Your two main ideas are clear: art can help local people, and it can help travel and money.
task response
You use examples, such as Uzbekistan and statues of well-known people. These help show your points.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an end. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “As a result”, “Another benefit”, “Moreover”, and “For instance”.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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