Many children today are overweight. This is a serious issue. Give the reasons for this and give the solutions to fix this problem.

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The world has changed , and how
children
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live has changed very much.
Children
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being obese has become a major obstacle for many countries.
This
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essay will discuss several reasons for
children
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being overweight and the solutions to
this
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problem. On the one hand,there are multiple reasons for obesity,
such
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as eating junk
food
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and drinking unhealthy
drinks
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like soft
drinks
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and energy
drinks
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.
Moreover
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,
Children
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these days do not exercise enough , so they can have a healthy and
a
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strong body.
For example
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,they always spend excessive time playing video games all day without taking a break.
In addition
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,they always eat junk
food
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instead
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of eating with their family.
As a result
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,they will be obese and will have health issues.
On the other hand
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,there are many solutions for
this
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obstacle.
Firstly
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,making them play video games for only 2 hours a day.
In addition
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,change the
children
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's diet.They must eat healthier
food
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such
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as
,
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vegetables,fruits,and drinking atleast 2 litres of water every day to maintain a healthy physique.
Also
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,they can enter a gym or a football club.
Furthermore
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,their parents must follow a plan to remove junk
food
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and energy
drinks
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from their diet.If they do that,they will lose weight and burn a good amount of calories.
Therefore
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,they will have a strong and healthy body. In conclusion, it is clear to see that there are many different factors that contribute to child obesity.
However
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, there are a number of excellent solutions to alter
this
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and reverse the problem ,
such
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as
,
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eating healthy
food
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and changing your diet,
also
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you should eat
,
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apply
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vegetables,fruits,and avoid eating from a fast
food
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restaurant.

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task response
Score: 6. Add one more clear reason, such as busy parents buying fast food, and explain it well.
task response
Make your example more real. Say how long children sit at games and how this can lead to weight gain.
task response
Some ideas repeat. Say “healthy food” once, then give a new point or a clear result.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 6. Keep one main idea in each paragraph. In the first body part, food and exercise are good ideas, but explain each one in its own small part.
coherence and cohesion
Use links in a more natural way. Do not start too many lines with “In addition” or “Also”.
coherence and cohesion
The end should be shorter and should not add new ideas. Sum up the reasons and fixes only.
task response
You answer both parts: reasons and ways to fix the problem.
task response
Your main ideas are clear: bad food, little exercise, games, better food, and sport.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an end.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “Moreover”, “For example”, “As a result”, and “Therefore”.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • behave
  • better
  • punished
  • rewarded
  • believe
  • effective
  • arguing
  • immediately
  • unwanted
  • fear
  • pain
  • good
  • actions
  • praise
  • treated
  • learn
  • positive
  • feedback
  • happy
  • feel
  • repeat
  • future
  • create
  • problems
  • rather
  • learn
  • wrong
  • caught
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