IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many aspects of the way people dress today are influenced by global fashion trends. How has global fashion become such a strong influence on people's lives? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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There is no denying the fact that global
fashion
Use synonyms
become
Verb problem
has become
show examples
 an important part of
people
Use synonyms
's daily lives.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss how global
fashion
Use synonyms
 has become so influential and explain why I believe
this
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 is positive.
To begin
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 with, there are many reasons
for
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apply
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why global
fashion
Use synonyms
 has become popular in those days.
Firstly
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, a lot of actors and singers follow the new design of clothes.
In other words
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, most
of
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apply
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people
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 like to copy
there
Use the right word
their
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 clothes
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due to thinking
Correct word choice
because they think
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 they have
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 personality
of
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as
show examples
 them.
In addition
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,
nowdays
Correct your spelling
nowadays
 clothes shopping
become
Verb problem
has become
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 easier and cheaper than
the
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in the
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 past.
For example
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, there are many new
brand and
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brands
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 offering good quality and lower price and that make good
competitions
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competition
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 between companies. In terms of positive effect, global
fashion
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 allows
people
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express
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to express
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 themself. It
possible
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is possible
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 to say that
,
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apply
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 their style give frist impressions
on
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of
show examples
 them and
show that
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
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 how
people
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 care about their styles.
Moreover
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, it is offering many jobs in different places and that
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as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 a result increase the
countries
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country's
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 economy.
For instance
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, many factors are asking for
werks
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workers
,and other companies want
people
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 working in the shop,
also
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 it is easy to order from home
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 most
transports
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transport
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 firms require to hire driver. In conclusion, there are many reasons why global
fashion
Use synonyms
 has become essential in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. It
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also
Verb problem
is also
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 true that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 I believe
this
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 is a positive development because it
encourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
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 many
people
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look
Verb problem
to look
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like
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apply
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elegant
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it is one of
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 to
increase
Verb problem
create
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 new jobs in many sectors.

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task response
Score: 5. Your ideas are on the right track, but they need more detail. Explain more clearly how actors, singers, online shops, and low prices make world fashion strong.
task response
Give one clear example for each main idea. For example, say that people see a singer’s clothes online and can buy similar items from a shop in their own country.
task response
Your good points need fuller support. For jobs, explain that fashion creates work in design, making clothes, shops, and delivery.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer plan: Paragraph 1: your answer. Paragraph 2: reasons world fashion is strong. Paragraph 3: why it is positive. Paragraph 4: short end.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. The first body part should only explain why fashion is popular. The next body part should only explain why it is positive.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are not clear because the sentences are hard to follow. Use short, direct sentences. For example: “Online shops make clothes cheaper and easier to buy. As a result, more people follow world fashion.”
coherence and cohesion
Your end should repeat both answers. Say that social media, famous people, and easy online shopping spread fashion, and that this is positive because it gives people choice and work.
task response
You answer both parts: why world fashion is strong, and whether it is good or bad.
task response
Your view is clear: you think this is a positive change.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, body parts, and an end.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “Firstly”, “In addition”, “Moreover”, and “For instance”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • global
  • fashion
  • clothes
  • dress
  • wear
  • look
  • style
  • brand
  • label
  • shop
  • price
  • money
  • media
  • ads
  • post
  • like
  • world
  • culture
  • express
  • expression
  • culture
  • work
  • jobs
  • earth
  • environment
  • press
  • pressure
  • spend
  • buy
  • design
  • trend
  • brand
  • celeb
  • celebrity
  • internet
  • online
  • shop
  • social
  • media
  • fashion
  • trend
  • idea
  • choice
  • fit
  • color
  • color
  • cloth
  • fabric
  • hand
  • care
  • harm
  • good
  • bad
  • benefit
  • loss
  • balance
  • relation
  • impact
  • effect
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