In the past, important knowledge of culture and history was stored in museums. Nowadays information is freely available on the internet, therefore museums are no longer needed. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In the past,
museums
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were the primary places where
people
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could learn about history and cultural heritage. Nowadays,
however
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, a significant amount of data is freely available on the internet, causing some
people
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to argue that
museums
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are
lo
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no
longer necessary. I strongly disagree with
this
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view, because
museums
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provide unique educational experiences and preserve historical artefacts that cannot be replaced by digital information.
People
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who support
this
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view believe that the internet has made
museums
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less vital.
People
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can now access historical documents, virtual
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museums
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museum
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tours, educational videos, and academic articles within
a second
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seconds
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with their computers and smartphones.
This
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makes learning more convenient, engaging, affordable, and accessible to individuals regardless of where they live.
Moreover
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, maintaining
museums
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requires substantial public funding for buildings, conservation, and staff.
For example
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, creating some convenient facilities
,
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apply
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and services for individuals requires a significant
money
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amount of money
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.
Nevertheless
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, I believe
museums
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continue to play an indispensable part in society.
Initially
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,
museums
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preserve original artefacts, artworks, and historical objects that show cultural and historical significance. Seeing these exhibits in
a
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apply
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real life allows visitors to develop a deeper understanding and tangible connection with the past, which photographs and digital devices
con not
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cannot
reflect.
Secondly
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,
museums
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provide interactive educational opportunities through guided tours, exhibitions and workshops, making history and culture more intriguing for both children and adults. In conclusion,
although
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the Internet has greatly improved access to historical and cultural information, I strongly disagree that
museums
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are no longer needed. Their role in preserving original artefacts and providing meaningful educational experiences remains irreplaceable in the cutting-edge era.

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task response
Score: 7. Your answer fully answers the question and your opinion is clear. To move to 8, explain each main reason more. For example, say how seeing a real object can help a child learn more than seeing a photo online.
task response
Your example about museum costs is not very clear: “creating some convenient facilities...” does not show why museums are not needed. Use a more direct example, such as the cost of keeping old objects safe.
task response
Add one real or clear example for your own side. For example: a person can see an old tool in a museum and understand its size, age, and use in a way that a screen cannot show.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 7. The order of ideas is good, but some links are weak. The first body part says why the internet is useful, then the cost point is added very fast. Explain the link: because museums cost a lot, some people may think online learning is enough.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences do not flow well. For example, “Initially” is not the best word here. Use “First” instead. Also, use “in real life”, not “in a real life”.
coherence and cohesion
Keep key words the same. You use “data”, “information”, “documents”, and “devices”. This is not wrong, but using “online information” and “real objects” more often will make the main idea easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check small errors that can slow the reader: “lo longer” should be “no longer”; “virtual museums tours” should be “virtual museum tours”; “con not” should be “cannot”; and “a significant money” should be “a significant amount of money”.
task response
Your view is very clear: you strongly disagree, and you keep this view from the start to the end.
task response
You give two good main reasons: museums keep real old things, and they give a real learning experience.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part plan: start, the other view, your view, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “Nowadays”, “Moreover”, “Nevertheless”, “Secondly”, and “In conclusion” help the reader follow your ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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