IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Write a letter to your friend who just moved to a new house letting him know about a gift you prepared for him/her a)What was the gift b)Why you chose it c)How it will be delivered

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Dear Alex, It was great catching up with you
last
Linking Words
 week!
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
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 we had a
realy
Correct your spelling
really
 deep conversation about your family problems.
However
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, I couldn't believe that you
haven't
Correct word order
don't have
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 a TV in your new house.
Linking Words
Therefore
Punctuation problem
Therefore,
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 I've prepared something big for you. You can imagine what it is. Hopefully it will help you to
forgot
Wrong verb form
forget
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 about your ex-wife. It is better
having
Wrong verb form
to have
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 a relaxing option like
this
Linking Words
 at home than not.
In addition
Linking Words
, the bad time will pass faster.
However
Linking Words
, my daughter will bring it next Tuesday around 10 a.m., just
if
Correct word choice
in case
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 you are wondering what is in there. She will deposit in your garage, as I know it's open all the time. See you soon, Tom

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task response
Say the gift clearly. Do not make Alex guess. For example: “I bought you a new TV.” Give a clear reason, such as watching films at home.
task response
Use a more kind tone. The words about his ex-wife may feel too personal. Focus on the new house and the gift.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple links in a clear way. “Also” is better than using “In addition” many times. Start each part with the gift, why, and delivery.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main point in each part. The first part can be about the TV, the next about why it is good, and the last about when and where it will be left.
task response
You talk about a TV, why it may help, and how it will get to Alex. So you cover all three parts.
coherence and cohesion
The letter has a friendly start and a good end. It is easy to see that Tom is writing to a friend.
coherence and cohesion
The delivery time and place are clear: next Tuesday, around 10 a.m., in the garage.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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