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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below gives information about how families in one country spent their weekly salary

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The line graph illustrates
that
Correct word choice
apply
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how families spent their weekly income in eight different areas
in
Punctuation problem
, in
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 range between 0% to 35%
in
Punctuation problem
, in
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 1968 and 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 food, fuel and power, clothing and footware, and personal
goods
Use synonyms
 expenses decreased
;
Punctuation problem
,
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 remaining spending increased in
2018
Punctuation problem
2018,
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according to
Linking Words
 1968, except household
goods
Use synonyms
 expense remained constant in both years.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the food was the
most
Correct word choice
largest
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 proportion of spending with 35% in 1968, and it declined to nearly 17% in 2018. The fuel and power
also
Linking Words
 dropped slightly
5
Punctuation problem
, 5
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% from above-5%, similar to the personal
goods
Use synonyms
spendings
Replace the word
spending
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the clothing and
footware
Correct your spelling
footwear
 was 10% in 1968, and
this
Linking Words
 rate had halved to 5%, fifty years later.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the Leisure made the largest jump from below-10% to approximately 23% in 2018, and became the greatest expense. The housing rose considerably, doubling from 10% to 20%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, transport increased by one-half and reached nearly 15%.
However
Linking Words
, the
householg
Correct your spelling
household
goods
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 the only exception, because it remained steady at around 8%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words goods with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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