IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Advances in science and technology and other areas of society in the last 100 years have transformed the way we live as well as postponing the day we die. There is no better lime to be alive than now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Scientific and technological enhancements in the previous century had a vital effect in transforming our lifestyles,
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also
Correct word choice
as well as
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 life expectancy rates
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 reached
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
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 peak.
Consequently
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, an argument states that there is no era
that is
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 greater than the current one. From my perspective, I firmly agree with the given statement.
Initially
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, medical experiments during the 20th century had discovered new cures and preventive methods. In medieval times, a seasonal virus could easily kill a notable proportion of people rapidly,
whereas
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 these days Panadol,
for example
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, addresses the
skickness
Correct your spelling
sickness
.
In addition
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, the Industrial Revolution has contributed
in
Change preposition
to
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 forming the new economic system
that
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is
Wrong verb form
has been
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 constant until
this
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 day, whether in creating job opportunities, entrepreneurs, and even other related fields.
For instance
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, the supply chain sector
, which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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 relies heavily on exporting manufactured commodities .
Consequently
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,
this
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 revolution is constantly forming new working fields.
Furthermore
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, developments in technology accelerated services,
accomplishements
Correct your spelling
accomplishments
, and innovations.
This
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 is largely because advanced technologies
thinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
think
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 three times faster than humans,
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also
Correct word choice
and
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 the linking of information is rapid.
Moreover
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, these enhancements made the majority of cities greatly
safe
Correct word choice
safer
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 as inventions like cameras and poison sprays protect different members of society from
thieft
Correct your spelling
theft
 and murder. A clear example of
this
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 can be seen in Chicago, where death and
rubbery
Use the right word
robbery
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 rates declined heavily by 40 per cent
as a result
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 of forcing all shops to cover all spaces with security cameras. In conclusion, despite individuals holding diverse points of view. I believe that there is no decade with the same progression and prosperity as the latest one.

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task response
Overall score: 6. Your answer is clear, but some ideas need more support. Explain more clearly why each change makes life better now.
task response
Be careful with facts. Panadol can help with pain or fever, but it does not cure every virus. Use a safer example, such as vaccines, clean water, or modern hospital care.
task response
Your point about the Industrial Revolution is not fully linked to the last 100 years. Choose a more direct example, such as the internet, mobile phones, or new kinds of work.
task response
The Chicago example is useful, but it needs a source or a more careful form: “For example, in some cities, more cameras may help lower crime.”
coherence and cohesion
Your main parts are in a good order, but some links are not clear. For example, the part about factories, jobs, and supply chains moves too fast. Add one short sentence to show how each point connects.
coherence and cohesion
Do not use “Consequently” too often. Use simple links such as “Also”, “As a result”, “For this reason”, and “However” only when they fit.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because there are too many ideas in one sentence. Make them shorter. For example: “New technology makes many services faster. It also helps people share information quickly.”
coherence and cohesion
Your last paragraph should restate your view more directly. Say why today is better: people live longer, get help faster, and have more chances to study and work.
task response
You give a clear view: you agree. Your essay stays on the main question.
task response
You use more than one main idea, such as health, work, and safety.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “Initially”, “Furthermore”, and “In conclusion” help the reader follow your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • quality of life
  • vaccines
  • antibiotics
  • global connectivity
  • renewable energy
  • sustainable future
  • climate change
  • online education
  • knowledgeable and empowered societies
  • privacy issues
  • mental health impacts
  • economic and societal inequalities
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural shifts
  • traditional social structures
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