IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, an increasing number of people with health problems are using alternative medicine and treatments instead of visiting their normal doctors. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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Due to
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 modern
tochnology
Correct your spelling
technology
,
growing
Correct article usage
a growing
show examples
 number of
peoples
Check wording
people
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 are trying to solve their health problems
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
ownrather
Correct your spelling
own rather
 than going to visit
doctors
Use synonyms
 for advice. I strongly believe that
this
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 is a negative development
due to
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 some reasons, my inclination will be elucidated in
further
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 paragraphs. There are many reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 choosing the negative development from which
first reason
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apply
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is that not
having
Wrong verb form
have
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 proper knowledge of taking
medicine
Use synonyms
.
In other words
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, taking
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
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medicine
Use synonyms
 to cure
health
Correct article usage
a health
show examples
 problem will harm you more.
For example
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, a boy named
raj does
Wrong verb form
Raj did
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 not know that he had dengue
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 he was thinking that he had
normal
Correct article usage
a normal
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 fever, so he
had gone
Wrong verb form
went
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 to
Use synonyms
doctor
Correct article usage
the doctor
show examples
 for his
advise
Replace the word
advice
 and was taking
medicine
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 his own
, Later
Correct word order
. Later,
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 he died because he had not gone to
Use synonyms
doctor
Correct article usage
the doctor
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. Children taking help for different treatments or want to use alternative
medicine
Use synonyms
 from
Correct article usage
the
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internet or from an
enexpericened
Correct your spelling
experienced
 person to cure will worse that disease, treatments like doing plastic surgery or an eye surgery without any proper
guidence
Correct your spelling
guidance
 of an
experience
Replace the word
experienced
doctor
Use synonyms
 should not be done his can
also
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 harm
some
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
other body parts.
Furthermore
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, not going to
Use synonyms
doctor
Correct article usage
a doctor
show examples
 for taking
guidence
Correct your spelling
guidance
 about
medicine
Use synonyms
 will not be
benificial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 for both because for
Correct article usage
the patient
show examples
patient
Punctuation problem
patient,
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 he will have many health problems later in his life
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 for
doctors
Use synonyms
, income will be very low as very less paitent are taking advice. In conclusion,
using
Replace the word
the use
 of alternative
medicine
Use synonyms
 and treatments without taking proper
guidence
Correct your spelling
guidance
 from
doctors
Use synonyms
 is a negative development because taking wrong medicines will affect them more
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then
Use the right word
than
show examples
 curing them and
also
Linking Words
 for
Use synonyms
doctors
Punctuation problem
doctors,
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less patient
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer patients
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 will lower their income
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 means that there will be
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
 job field.

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Task response
Overall score: 5. Your answer is on the topic and your view is clear. But develop each main idea more clearly. Explain how an online idea or a wrong drug can make a health problem worse.
Task response
The example about dengue is useful, but it is not clear. The boy first does not go to a doctor, but then the essay says he goes to a doctor. Make the order of events clear.
Task response
The point about doctors getting less money is not a strong reason for why this change is bad. Focus more on patients: late care, wrong drugs, and serious health risks.
Coherence and cohesion
Use one clear main idea in each body paragraph. Paragraph 1 can be about wrong self-care. Paragraph 2 can be about unsafe treatments from the internet or from people without training.
Coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long and hard to follow. Use shorter sentences. For example: “People may use the wrong drug. As a result, their health problem may become worse.”
Coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with a clear job: “First”, “Second”, “For example”, “As a result”, and “Therefore”. Do not put many ideas in one sentence.
Task response
You give a clear view: this is a negative change.
Task response
You give two main reasons: wrong medicine can hurt people, and people need doctor help.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body parts, and a conclusion.
Coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as “For example”, “Furthermore”, and “In conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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