IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is acceptable for parents to use physical force to discipline their children. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Parents
Use synonyms
 in the old days often use panites to their
children
Use synonyms
 an believe that hitting them
anf
Correct your spelling
and
 physical punishments
helps
Wrong verb form
helped
show examples
 to make them follow the rules. I disagree because physical punishment can make
children
Use synonyms
 afraid of their
parents
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instead
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 of understanding their mistakes. I
woud futher illistrate
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would further illustrate
 my ideas.
First,
Linking Words
physial punshments
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physical punishments
 may lead to nightmares for
children
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a
Punctuation problem
. A
show examples
 study show on Caring for
Childen's
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Children's
Emotionl
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Emotional
 Health
Assoiation
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Association
 shows that 80
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
childen
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children
 are afraid of their
parents
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 ir even have nightmare by having physical force
by
Verb problem
used by
show examples
 their
parents
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 we
an
Verb problem
can
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 see
its
Verb problem
is
show examples
 harmful to them. The report
also
Linking Words
 shows that
children
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 become more
introvert
Replace the word
introverted
 and are not eager to share
thier
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their
 inner thoughts with their
parents
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due to
Linking Words
body
Correct word choice
physical
show examples
 punishments.
This
Linking Words
 leads to
unreliabiity
Correct your spelling
unreliability
 to their
parents
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 as
children
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 would be much more scared to share their thoughts
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their
parents
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 and the bonding between
parents
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 and their child would be
lengthen
Wrong verb form
lengthened
show examples
.Repeated physical force can damage a child’s confidence and create long-term emotional stress.
Children
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 would not share their thoughts
and
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, which
show examples
 may lead to more serious issues inluding emotional stress issues
including
Punctuation problem
, including
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 suicide.
Aother
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Another
 news shows the depression rate in
nHong
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Hong
 Kong is rising
amoung
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among
children
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 of age group 10-16 years old, showing the stress level throughout the country is
beoming
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becoming
 serious.
Futhermore
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Furthermore
,
parents
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 should set clear rules and explain the consequences of breaking them. Lots
or
Change preposition
of
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
woulddiretily
Correct your spelling
would directly
 hit their kids rather than

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Overall score
Score: 5. Your main ideas are clear and relevant, but the essay is not finished. This makes the response incomplete.
Task response
Finish the second body paragraph and add a short ending. Restate that physical force is not acceptable and say that clear rules and calm talks are better.
Task response
Explain your examples more carefully. The study and news report are useful, but the link to physical punishment is not always clear. For example, say how hitting can cause fear, stress, or depression.
Task response
Use one clear example from life or school. For example: a child who is hit may lie to avoid more punishment, while a child who is calmly told the rule may learn what to do next time.
Coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. In paragraph 1, focus on fear and trust. In paragraph 2, focus on better ways for parents to teach rules.
Coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are very long and repeat the same idea. Make them shorter. For example: “Children may become afraid. They may stop sharing their feelings with their parents.”
Coherence and cohesion
Use simple links clearly: “First,” “Also,” “For example,” “As a result,” and “In conclusion.” Do not repeat the same point about children not sharing thoughts too many times.
Coherence and cohesion
Check spelling and word form, as these can make the meaning hard to follow. For example: “physical punishments,” “children,” “further,” “illustrate,” and “directly.”
Task response
Your opinion is clear: you disagree with using physical force. You give reasons, such as fear, stress, and a weaker parent-child bond.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start and uses linking words such as “First” and “Furthermore”. This helps the reader follow your main points.
Task response
You try to use a study and a news report to support your ideas. This shows an effort to give examples.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • physical punishment
  • use physical force
  • corporal punishment
  • discipline a child
  • clear boundaries
  • set firm rules
  • natural consequences
  • reasonable punishment
  • remove privileges
  • positive reinforcement
  • good behaviour
  • self-control
  • emotional harm
  • damage trust
  • feel unsafe
  • aggressive behaviour
  • resolve conflict peacefully
  • teach responsibility
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