IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is thought that being competitive in the workplace, in school, or in everyday situations is a positive attitude,
whereas
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 many think the opposite. In
this
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 essay, I will give my viewpoint on both opinions,
although
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 I am more towards the opposing point that claims rivalry is not the solution As competing is a human nature, finding it in different settings is no surprise. It enhances a person’s ability to function more effectively than others and gives them a purpose to perform better. Specifically, comparing yourself with your school or work peers can help you to understand and improve,
further
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 giving you room for improvement.
Furthermore
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, with a certain goal set in your head, you can try to work towards achieving that.
Although
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 a little competition is not a disadvantage in someone’s life, I personally believe that cooperating always brings a greater outcome. As we live in a cooperative society, talking or consulting with individuals is nearly impossible.
Moreover
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, co-working with someone grants you the chance to think more effectively, since two brains are always better than one.
However
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, receiving advice doesn’t always mean copying someone. Asking your friend’s comments is a more friendly and efficient way to develop, live a prosperous life, and successfully communicate. In
this
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 paper, I took both perspectives and elaborated on how cooperation can be either a good or a bad thing. Though both ideas could be a key to one’s success, I leaned more towards the idea of effective communication with one another.

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task response
Score: 5. You answer all parts, but your ideas need more detail. Explain why competition helps people, and why cooperation gives a better result.
task response
Add real examples. For example, at school, a student may work harder to get a high mark. At work, a team may solve a hard problem faster than one person.
task response
Some ideas are unclear or not correct. “Talking or consulting with individuals is nearly impossible” does not fit your point. You likely mean that life without talking and working with others is nearly impossible.
task response
Your ending says cooperation can be “good or bad”, but you do not explain how it can be bad. Keep the ending close to the ideas in your body parts.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 5. The order is easy to follow, but some sentences do not connect well. Make one main idea in each body part, then explain it and give an example.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between ideas. For example: “On the one hand, competition can help people work harder. On the other hand, cooperation lets people share ideas and skills.”
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “improve” and “better” many times. Also, make sure each sentence adds a new point.
coherence and cohesion
The final paragraph should be shorter and clearer. State your view again: both are useful, but cooperation is more important in most parts of life.
task response
You discuss both competition and cooperation, and you give your own view.
task response
Your main view is clear: cooperation can give better results.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “Furthermore”, “Although”, and “However”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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