IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Children and teenagers are comitting more and more crimes in many countries. Why is this happening? How we can stop or reduce youth crime?

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Nowadays, an increasing number of adolescents commit a
crime
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.
This
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 can be caused by problems associated with family and disengagement from education.
Although
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 it is a serious
issue
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, it can be addressed by preventing
familly
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family
conflicts
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 and
prioritizing
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prioritising
show examples
 moral
support
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 for vulnerable students. The
issue
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 of youth
crime
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often
Verb problem
is often
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 related to family
conflicts
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. A family, especially
parents
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, plays a vital role in the development of a child because they are
initial
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the initial
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 educators for their
children
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. The causes of
comitting
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committing
 a
crime
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 can be domestic violence
and
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,
show examples
 parental indifference
and
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, and
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 their bad habits. For many
parents
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 or other caregivers, sometimes it is
chalenging
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challenging
 to pay attention and supervise these
children
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 so the raised in an
unfavorable
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unfavourable
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 environment. Improper surroundings push
up
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apply
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the adolescent to commit a
crime
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. Another main cause of
the
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apply
show examples
juvenile delinquency is a disengagement from schools. School exclusion and lack of engagement are major factors that lead to teenage
crime
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, making
children
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 more likely to be both victims and perpetrators of violence.
This
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issue
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 is made worse by budget cuts in schools, which reduce the
support
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 that students need.
As a result
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, pupils do not find
a
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apply
show examples
proper
support
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 among teachers or peers, and are likely to commit a
crime
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in
Change preposition
at
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 an early age.
However
Linking Words
, to address
this
Linking Words
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issue
Punctuation problem
issue,
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parents
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 may prevent family
conflicts
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 by requiring a proactive commitment to open communication and mutual respect. When families implement open communication, they reduce emotional stress
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and trauma, which often
delivers
Verb problem
leads
show examples
 teenagers toward criminal activity. By resolving domestic issues early,
parents
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 can provide
the
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apply
show examples
consistent supervision
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and emotional
support
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, adolescents
raise
Wrong verb form
raised
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 in an encouraging environment, which lowers their chances
toward
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of
show examples
crime
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.
Furthermore
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, to address the problem, educational policies must
prioritize
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prioritise
show examples
 inclusive practices over formal exclusions.
Instead
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 of removing students from school, budgets should be directed toward mental health
,
Correct word choice
and
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 mentorship programmes. By investing more heavily in these measures,the education system can keep
children
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 in a safe learning environment, effectively reducing their chances of entering the criminal justice system. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 a growth of youth
crime
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 is caused by domestic issues and educational disengagement, it can be addressed by
prioritizing
Change the spelling
prioritising
show examples
 the
children
Use synonyms
's mental health in schools and preventing family
conflicts
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.

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task response
Overall score: 6. Your answer is good, but it needs more clear and real support to reach 7. Add one short example for each main cause or solution. For example, say how a child who sees violence at home may copy this behavior.
task response
Some ideas need a clearer link to crime. For example, explain more fully why a lack of school support can lead a young person to join bad friends or spend more time on the street.
task response
Your solutions are useful, but make them more direct. Say who should act: parents, schools, and the government. Also say what they should do, such as give family help, school counselling, and after-school groups.
coherence and cohesion
Your second body paragraph starts with a long sentence. Make it simpler: “Parents can reduce youth crime by stopping family conflict early.” Then explain the result.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same order in the solution paragraph as in the cause paragraph. First discuss family cause and family solution. Then discuss school cause and school solution. You mostly do this, but clearer topic sentences will help.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear word links. For example, “which often delivers teenagers toward criminal activity” is hard to follow. Use simple words: “This can push teenagers into crime.”
coherence and cohesion
Check small grammar errors because they can make the flow less smooth: “The issue of youth crime is often related to family conflict”; “they are raised”; “adolescents are raised”; and add a space after commas, as in “measures, the education system”.
task response
You answer both questions. You give two causes: family problems and school problems. You also give two ways to reduce crime: better family support and more help at school.
task response
Your main ideas are clear and stay on the topic. The end repeats your main answer well.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part plan: introduction, causes, solutions, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “Although”, “However”, “Furthermore”, “As a result”, and “Therefore” to show the flow of ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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