IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Prison is the common way in most countries to solve the problem of crime. However, a more effective solution is to provide people a better education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In the modern era,
crime
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 has become a major issue in society.
While
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 it is argued that prison is the most prevalent method of punishment, others believe that investing more heavily in
education
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 prevents the problem of
crime
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. I firmly agree that improved
education
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 may help tackle
this
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 issue,
while
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 prisons are often ineffective for rehabilitation. Governments should invest more in
education
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 for younger generations in order to reduce the level of
crime
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. Providing quality
education
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 may address many underlying factors that can lead to criminal behaviour,
such
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 as poverty, ignorance, and lack of opportunities. It means that the enhanced
education
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 can help students to develop critical thinking and decision-making
skills
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, which can deter individuals from engaging in criminal activities.
For example
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, teachers can provide practical learning experiences and teach financial literacy, conflict resolution, and vocational
skills
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 to help young people find employment
instead
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 of turning
a
Change preposition
to
show examples
crime
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.
Moreover
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, better
education
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 leads to socio-economic growth. By promoting more opportunities, an educated population is more likely to pursue higher
education
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 , which enables them to build their own businesses or companies, contributing to national economic development.
As a result
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, delivering improved
education
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 is one of the most preventive approaches to reducing
crime
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. One of the main reasons why imprisonment can be ineffective is that often prisoners may reoffend after serving their sentences. It often fails to teach positive
skills
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 because
this
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 type of punishment only discourages criminal behaviour temporarily. If prisoners did not gain useful
skills
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 and live in a negative environment, they are likely to commit a
crime
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 again.
Therefore
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, prison is not the best way to achieve rehabilitation. In conclusion, investments in schooling provide more effective solutions related to
this
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 problem,
whereas
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 imprisonment can lead to negative consequences,
such
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 as higher rates of re-offending

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task response
Score: 7. Your answer fully answers the question, but explain your main idea more deeply. For example, say more clearly why work and money skills make crime less likely.
task response
Your point about prison is good, but it is short. Add one more clear reason or a real-life type of case. For example, prison can put new or young criminals near more serious criminals, so they may learn worse ways to break the law.
task response
Be careful with the idea that more people will build companies. This is not true for all students. A safer point is that education can help people get work and have a stable life.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 7. Keep one main point in each body part. In the first body part, the move from crime to national growth is a little far from the main question. Make the link to crime clear, or remove that part.
coherence and cohesion
Use a stronger topic line at the start of each body part. For example: “First, good education can stop crime before it happens.” Then explain this point step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Your end is clear, but it could state your view again in a more direct way: “I strongly agree that education is a better long-term way to cut crime, although prison is still needed for serious crimes.”
task response
Your view is clear: you agree that education can cut crime. You give two main ideas: education can stop crime before it starts, and prison may not stop people from doing crime again.
task response
You use a useful example about school lessons, work skills, and finding work. This helps show how education can lead people away from crime.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end. The order is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You use link words such as “For example”, “Moreover”, “Therefore”, and “As a result”. These help the reader follow your points.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • tackles root causes
  • preventative approach
  • critical thinking
  • decision-making skills
  • recidivism rates
  • equipping
  • socio-economic benefits
  • underlying factors
  • poverty
  • ignorance
  • lack of opportunities
  • rehabilitation
  • ineffective
  • higher rates of re-offending
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