IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In many countries, some people live with their families while studying,but other students prefer to attend universities in other cities.Do the benefits of living away from home outweigh the disadvantage.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
In recent years, the debate
regarding
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 whether students live with their parents,
while
Linking Words
 some students prefer to travel far away from their families and get a scholarship in another country. It is my firm conviction that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. On one hand, many people believe that if young people go out to study, it will be a huge issue for them.
First,
Linking Words
most students are used to being reliant on their parents, and studying abroad has massive responsibilities.
For instance
Linking Words
, in the first year, being alone leads to feeling homesick.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, one major reason for studying in one's home country is better than going abroad; the student might run out of money, so they have to work a part-time job
;
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 and the consequences of that
,
Verb problem
are that
show examples
 the student gets lost between the job and the university. To illustrate, the student's marks may seem to fall significantly. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 studying abroad can give you more experience, I firmly believe
stay
Wrong verb form
staying
show examples
 with your family is more advisable. Because there is a chance of getting homesick and financial issues.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task response
Score: 5. You answer the main question, but the ideas are not fully clear. The question is about living in another city for university, but your essay often talks about studying abroad and getting a scholarship. Stay close to the exact topic.
Task response
Explain both sides more. Say the good points of living away from home, such as learning to do things alone, meeting new people, and having more time for study. Then explain why the bad points are stronger.
Task response
Your examples are too short. For example, explain how a part-time job can take time from classes, homework, and sleep, and then cause lower marks.
Task response
Make your final view fully clear. You say the bad points outweigh the good points, so write this exact idea again in the end.
Coherence and cohesion
Score: 5. Your order is easy to see, but the first main part starts with the bad points and the second part says studying in the home country is better. This can make the reader stop and think. Use one part for benefits and one part for disadvantages.
Coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with one clear main idea. For example: “Living away from home can help students become more independent.” Then give one or two reasons and an example.
Coherence and cohesion
Do not join many full ideas with semicolons. Use short sentences and clear link words: “As a result”, “Also”, “However”, and “For this reason”.
Coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow, such as “one major reason for studying in one's home country is better than going abroad”. Write more directly: “Living at home is often better because students can save money.”
Task response
You give a clear view: you think living away from home has more bad points than good points.
Task response
You give two main reasons: feeling homesick and money problems.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main parts, and a conclusion.
Coherence and cohesion
You use clear link words such as “On one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For instance”, and “In conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: