IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

You were at a concert recently and really liked the performance of one of the singers. You want to tell her how you feel. Write a letter to the singer. In your letter • say what you think about her performance • give details of how you are involved in music • explain how you would like her help with your music You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: Dear ..........,

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Dear
Mr.
Change the punctuation
Mr
show examples
 Steve, I hope you are doing well. I would like to share my insights with you about your
last
Linking Words
 concert in Montreal on the 21 of October because it was
amazing
Correct article usage
an amazing
show examples
 experience for
me and my friends
Correct word order
my friends and me that
show examples
 we have ever had. First of all, you and your band were
such
Linking Words
 energetic people because when you got
in the
Change preposition
on
show examples
 stage, you lifted
up
Verb problem
apply
show examples
everybody's mood. You had amazing pathos-filled
guitar
Use synonyms
 solos, well-written songs and
absolutely
Correct article usage
an absolutely
show examples
your
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
incredible voice.
Secondly
Linking Words
, I
also
Linking Words
 play
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 electric
guitar
Use synonyms
 that gives me a chance to meet new people and discover new
musics
Check wording
music
show examples
. I always wanted to be
professional
Correct article usage
a professional
show examples
guitar
Use synonyms
 player when I was a kid because I had great enthusiasm
due to
Linking Words
 my friends. I have a friend who
also
Linking Words
 attended the concert got me into that music circle. I remember that the first time
when
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
I listened
your
Change preposition
to your
show examples
 music, I admired your unique sound and vibe. In conclusion, I kindly request
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
help that would transform me into my dream person. I would like to take
guitar
Use synonyms
 lessons from you when you are available. Alternatively, I would like to share my songs with you, and I
really
Verb problem
would really
show examples
 appreciate it if you could comment on them. Thank you so much for your time and consideration. I am looking forward to hearing from you. Yours sincerely, Ibrahim

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Score: 6. Your ideas are clear, but some parts need more detail. Say which song or part of the show you liked most. Be more clear about what help you want, such as one lesson or advice on one song.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 6. The order is easy to follow, but some long sentences join too many ideas. Use shorter sentences. Also, 'In conclusion' is not needed in a letter; use 'Finally' or 'I would be very happy if...' instead.
task response
You answer all three parts: you say why the show was good, talk about your guitar, and ask for help.
coherence and cohesion
Your letter has a clear start, middle, and end. The greeting and closing are good.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: