IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

More and more people in developing countries are purchasing cars for the first time. What problems does this cause? What do you think are the possible solutions?

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As incomes continue to rise in developing countries, more people are purchasing private
vehicles
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 for the first time.
Although
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this
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 trend creates several problems, there are effective ways to tackle them.
This
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 essay will discuss the main problems associated with
this
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 trend and propose some practical solutions. One major problem caused by the growing number of first-time car owners is traffic congestion. As more people choose to drive
instead
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 of using public transportation, roads become increasingly overcrowded, particularly during peak hours.
As a result
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, commuters spend more time
traveling
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travelling
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, which reduces productivity and increases stress levels. Another significant issue is air pollution. Since most
vehicles
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 still run on fossil fuels, a rise in the number of
cars
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 leads to higher carbon emissions and poorer air quality, which can contribute to respiratory diseases and climate change.
For example
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, many large cities in developing countries,
such
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 as Thailand and Jakarta, regularly experience severe traffic jams and high levels of air pollution
due to
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 the rapid increase in
cars
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. To address these problems, governments should improve the quality and accessibility of public transportation. Improving the efficiency, affordability, and reliability of buses, trains, and metro systems would encourage people to use public transportation rather than private
cars
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, thereby alleviating traffic congestion.
In addition
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, the government should encourage the use of environmentally friendly
vehicles
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 by providing subsidies for electric
cars
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 and expanding charging infrastructure. These measures would reduce dependence on fossil fuels and lower carbon emissions in the long run.
For instance
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, Norway has successfully increased the adoption of electric
vehicles
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 through tax incentives and extensive charging networks, leading to a significant reduction in transport-related emissions. In conclusion,
although
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 owning a car has become more accessible in developing nations, its unintended consequences should not be overlooked. Long-term investment in sustainable transport and environmentally friendly mobility is key to ensuring balanced urban development.

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task response
To reach a higher score, make the link between each solution and the problem even more clear. For example, say how more buses and trains can make people leave their cars at home.
task response
Your ideas are strong, but you could add one more problem or give a little more detail about who should pay for new public transport and charging points.
coherence and cohesion
Some long sentences have many ideas. Split a few of them into two short sentences. This will make your writing even easier to read.
coherence and cohesion
Use a little less repeat of “public transportation” and “cars”. You can sometimes use “this”, “these vehicles”, or “such transport” when the meaning is clear.
task response
You answer both parts of the question. You explain two clear problems: traffic and bad air. You also give two clear ways to help: better public transport and more electric cars.
task response
Your examples are useful and fit your ideas. The parts about Thailand, Jakarta, and Norway help make your points clear.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part plan: start, problems, solutions, and end. Each paragraph has one main job.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words well, such as “As a result”, “Another”, “In addition”, and “For instance”. These make the ideas easy to follow.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • traffic congestion
  • carbon emissions
  • air pollution
  • climate change
  • fuel prices
  • imported oil
  • road maintenance
  • public transportation
  • economic inequality
  • societal divide
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