IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think history has nothing or little to tell us, but others think that studying the past history can help us better understand the present. Discuss the two views and give your own opinion.

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It is increasingly common that
history
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 is complex
especially
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, especially
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 in the linking of events.
While
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 some individuals believe that
history
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 has no benefits or crucial information to inform us
with
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apply
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, others argue that the past helps us in understanding today's
world
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both viewpoints and present my personal opinion. On one hand, critics
pf
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of
history
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 often point out that international policies
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 changed significantly. Which effectively means governments nowadays focus mostly on prosperity and stability.
On the other hand
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, during the periods of
World
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 War 1 and 2,
objectives
Correct article usage
the objectives
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 of the majority of armies
is
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were
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 expansion and control.
For instance
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, Germany's current policy is enhancing national industry and
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
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 opportunities for citizens,
whereas
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 the development of the army was the main goal approximately a century ago.
Consequently
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, there is no requirement of learning past issues if global strategies
are focusing
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focus
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 on stabilising our
world
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.
On the other hand
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, teaching students
colonizations
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about colonisations
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 and political wars like the Cold War gives them knowledge about how the
world
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 was going on in the past.
Moreover
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, it will make children more conscious about some political platforms that provide
unreal
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unreliable
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 information to break the
united
Replace the word
unity
 of some robust countries. A clear example of
this
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 can be seen in China, where a media channel was giving wrong data about
World
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 War 2 that affects the reputation of the United States of America. In conclusion, despite both sides holding diverse opinions. From my perspective, I firmly believe that
history
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 is essential and assists us
for recognizing
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in recognising
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 the present.

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Task response
Score: 5. Your main ideas are clear, but they need more care and more support. In the first body part, you say the past is not needed because world aims have changed. But this does not fully show why history has little to tell us. Give a more direct reason.
Task response
Make your own view clear in the start as well as the end. Say that history is still important because it helps people see the causes of war, false news, and world problems.
Task response
Some examples are not clear enough. The China example needs more detail: what was the wrong news, and how can learning history help people see that it is wrong?
Coherence and cohesion
Score: 6. The order is easy to follow, but some links are not right. Do not start a new sentence with “Which effectively means”. Join it to the sentence before it.
Coherence and cohesion
Your last paragraph starts with “On the other hand” after the first body paragraph. This is good, but the first view and second view should each have one main point, then an example, then a short result.
Coherence and cohesion
The end has a sentence break problem: “despite both sides holding diverse opinions.” This is not a full sentence. Write: “In conclusion, although both sides have good points, I believe...”
Coherence and cohesion
Use fewer repeated words such as “history”, “past”, and “world”. You can use “the study of the past” or “earlier events” when needed.
Task response
You discuss both views and give your own view in the end.
Task response
You use examples about Germany, China, and war to explain your ideas.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: start, first view, second view, and end.
Coherence and cohesion
You use clear links such as “On one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For instance”, and “In conclusion”.
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