IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

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In
this
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 day and
age
Use synonyms
, some countries often encourage young people to travel for a year after completing high school and before starting university education.
This
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 essay will discuss
merits
Correct article usage
the merits
show examples
 of traveling build confidence and broaden horizons,
while
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drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
show examples
 are
it
Correct word choice
that it
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 negatively impacts both mental health and quality of life. Commencing with the most salient benefits,
of traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 at
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 is that it creates an opportunity to live independently. Many
students
Use synonyms
 from international schools often have an opportunity to travel abroad, which in turn allows them to manage household chores and
finance
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finances
 individually.
Consequently
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, it develop ability to balance emotional and financial well-being
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is essential for living.
Furthermore
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,
students
Use synonyms
 are more likely to expand their
insigths
Correct your spelling
insights
 into subjects independently, that develop cognitive skills.
This
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 means that
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 alone at
early
Correct article usage
an early
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 contributes to
explore
Wrong verb form
exploring
show examples
 different traditions and customs
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 not only
enhance
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhances
show examples
 their communication skills but
also
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 cultural value.
For instance
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, Indian Finearts
students
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 often participate in
international
Correct article usage
an international
show examples
Use synonyms
students
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student
show examples
 exchange programme where
students
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broadent
Correct your spelling
broaden
 their horizons
on
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in
show examples
 both arts and
enhances
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enhance
show examples
 their innovative skills.
Hence
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, adopting
this
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 approach is
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 for individuals’ productivity and
effeciency
Correct your spelling
efficiency
.
Depite
Correct your spelling
Despite
 the fact that
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 alone is conducive for
individuals
Check wording
individuals'
show examples
 holistic development, it has some tangible drawbacks. The
preemient
Correct your spelling
preeminent
 one is that at
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
Use synonyms
age
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age,
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students
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 are
protective
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protected
 by their parents living alone
often
Correct pronoun usage
, which often
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affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
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 their emotional well-being.
As a result
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, they often feel homesickness, that effects their mental status.
Moreover
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, sometimes
students
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 find
daunting
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it daunting
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 to keep up with
new
Correct article usage
a new
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envrionment
Correct your spelling
environment
 and new friends.
This
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 may affect their standard of living. Sometimes they may
driven
Verb problem
be driven
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 to bad habits
due to
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 wrong friends.
For example
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, many
students
Use synonyms
 from
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
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 are more likely to engage in unethical activities that may
some
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
ruin their future.
Thus
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, adopting
this
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 approach may deteriorate
individuals
Check wording
individuals'
show examples
 standard of living. In conclusion, even though
taveling
Correct your spelling
travelling
 for work or study after high school may negatively
affects
Correct subject-verb agreement
affect
show examples
Use synonyms
students
Check wording
students'
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 mental
and
Check wording
health and
show examples
 ruin their
furture
Correct your spelling
future
, it
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
has its own benefits as it enables individuals
insights
Verb problem
to gain insights
show examples
 into
culture value
Replace the word
cultural values
 and build
self esteem
Correct your spelling
self-esteem
.
Ultimately
Punctuation problem
Ultimately,
show examples
this
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 appraoch build sustainable and prosperous society.

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task response
Score: 5. Your main ideas are on the right topic, but some points do not fully match the question. The question is about work or travel for one year. You mainly write about travel, so add points about work too, such as earning money, work skills, and a gap in study.
task response
Make each good and bad point more clear. For example, travel can help young people grow up and learn about other ways of life. But it can cost a lot, and some may find it hard to return to study after one year.
task response
Some examples are too general or unclear. Explain how the example shows the point. Do not make very broad claims, such as saying young people may ruin their future.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 5. Put one main idea in each part. In the first body part, you move from living alone to money, learning, culture, and art. Choose two ideas only and explain them well.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple, direct topic sentences. For example: “One main good point is that young people can become more independent.” Then give an example and explain it.
coherence and cohesion
Make links between sentences more natural. Some links are not clear because the next idea changes too fast. Use simple links such as “This is because”, “For this reason”, “However”, and “Also”.
coherence and cohesion
Your last paragraph repeats ideas, but it has some unclear parts. Give one balanced final view: the year can be useful if young people have a clear plan, enough money, and support.
task response
You discuss both good and bad sides, and you give a clear view in the end.
task response
You use examples, such as student exchange work, to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part shape: start, good side, bad side, and end.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “Furthermore”, “For example”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion”.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural immersion
  • Life experience
  • Work ethic
  • Career readiness
  • Self-discovery
  • Delayed gratification
  • Intellectual stagnation
  • Financial implications
  • Social dynamics
  • Academic trajectory
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