IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

In some countries, there are many social problems involving teenagers. This is because parents spend much of their time at work not at home. Do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays
Punctuation problem
Nowadays,
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 people discuss
in
Change preposition
apply
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a major problem, of young individuals
involving
Wrong verb form
involved
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 in social problems
due to
Linking Words
 the hours their
parents
Use synonyms
 spend at work. I strongly agree that the main cause of these problems is
parents
Use synonyms
 having no time. On the one hand, lack of
Use synonyms
parents
Replace the word
parental
 presence can cause the teenager to feel free
doing
Wrong verb form
to do
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 things
that
Linking Words
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 not allowed when they are present .
Also
Linking Words
 being around friends that can include him in bad
activitiy
Correct your spelling
activity
, and
due to
Linking Words
 peer pressure
he
Punctuation problem
, he
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 feels that he can't refuse.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there is a major cause that young individuals can be affected
from
Change preposition
by
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, it is social media. its one of the strongest
affect
Use the right word
effects
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 in our current generation.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it may seem like
entertainment
Correct article usage
an entertainment
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 place and
parents
Use synonyms
 think their kids will benefit from it , it can be used in multiple bad ways.
For example
Linking Words
, maybe he is watching a a tik tok video
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 he
see a
Correct subject-verb agreement
sees
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 a harmful or
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 an adult video without his choice.
While
Linking Words
 the
parents
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 busy doing their work. In general,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 think
parents
Use synonyms
 should
give
Verb problem
show
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 more interest in their
children
Check wording
children's
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 daily life , and balance between work and their family
responsibility
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibilities
show examples
.

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Overall score
Estimated score: 5. Your ideas are clear and on topic, but they need more full support and a more careful answer to the question.
Task response
The question asks if you agree or disagree that parents’ work time is the reason for many teen social problems. You say “strongly agree”, but your second body part says social media is a major cause. Make your view clearer: say parents’ lack of time is the main cause, while social media is a risk when there is no parent care.
Task response
Explain each main idea more. For the first point, say what social problems may happen, such as crime, bad friends, or school problems. Then explain how a parent at home could help.
Task response
Make the example more full. Instead of only saying a teen may see a bad video, explain what may happen after this and why parent help is important.
Coherence and cohesion
Your two body parts have ideas that are close, but the link between them is not clear. In the second part, connect social media to the parents’ long work hours. For example: “When parents are busy at work, they may not know what their children watch online.”
Coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences. For example: “First, teens may make bad choices when parents are not there.” Then give reasons and an example.
Coherence and cohesion
Your ending repeats the main idea, which is good. Make it stronger by restating your view: “I believe parents’ long work hours are a main reason, because teens need daily care and help.”
Task response
You give a clear view: you agree that parents being away can lead to teen problems.
Task response
You add another useful idea: social media can also harm young people. The TikTok example is linked to your point.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending.
Coherence and cohesion
You use simple links such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For example”, and “In general”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • social problems
  • teenagers
  • parental absence
  • work-life balance
  • parental guidance
  • peer influence
  • independence
  • community support
  • government initiatives
  • tackle
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