IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Historical objects should be returned to their country of origin. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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The debate over whether the historical objects should be returned to their own countries of origin. I personally agree with
this
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 option and will discuss the basis to prove
this
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.
To begin
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 with, the old equipment
represent
Correct subject-verb agreement
represents
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 the culture and
identify
Correct subject-verb agreement
identifies
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 the nations. If the gear
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 placed in the country,
indigenous
Correct article usage
the indigenous
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 population and visitors can know about the rich cultures
as well as
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 the history of their ancestors. And things allow folk to reconnect with the past and preserve it for future generations.
As a result
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, they will get to know about how the community in the past fought with swords in the world wars, and will gather information on how ancestors survived in the hardest times without any gadgets or internet.
Besides
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this
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,
this
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 can
also
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 help to the country improve its economy, namely, there are a lot of tourists who want to gather information about historical objects. If governments place the junk to museum as exhibits, they will take money from tourists in order to show the country's traditions.
However
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, it is important that the local people
might
Verb problem
can
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 enter
such
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 museums for
free
Punctuation problem
free,
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 as they will be aware of their history or ancestors.
To sum up
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, I firmly believe that ancient items should be returned to the community that they belong to, since it is their duty to get to know about their history through these.

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task response
Score: 5. Your answer is on topic, but the ideas need more detail. Explain why the country of origin is the best place for each object, not only why history is important.
task response
Use a real example. For example, you could write about old Greek works in the UK, or objects taken from Egypt. This would make your point stronger.
task response
Do not call old objects “junk”. This word means things with no value. Use “old objects”, “historical items”, or “museum pieces”.
task response
Your point about wars is not fully clear. Not all historical objects are swords or from world wars. Give a wider idea, such as old art, books, tools, and clothes.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 5. Keep one main idea in each body part. In body 1, focus only on history and culture. In body 2, focus only on money from visitors.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are not clear. For example, “And things allow folk...” should join the last sentence more smoothly: “These objects also help local people connect with the past.”
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences. For example: “First, these objects help people understand their country’s past.” Then give an example and explain it.
coherence and cohesion
The first sentence is not a full clear start. Write: “There is debate about whether historical objects should be returned to their countries of origin.”
task response
You clearly agree with the idea, and your view stays the same from start to end.
task response
You give two main reasons: people can learn about their past, and museums can bring in tourist money.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “To begin with”, “Besides this”, “As a result”, and “To sum up”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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