IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from

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It is often argued that
health
Use synonyms
 standards will be reduced in
near
Correct article usage
the near
show examples
 future compared to the
health
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 conditions now.
This
Linking Words
 issue has sparked considerable debate and I firmly agree with it because
of
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apply
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the unhealthy
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
 and environmental conditions are seriously affecting public
health
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.
This
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 essay will present well-supported arguments to justify my stance.
Firstly
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 , one of the most compelling reasons is the sedentary lifestyle.
This
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 is because now
people
Capitalize the word
People
show examples
 do jobs that require little
physcial
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physical
 activity.Many online jobs require sitting
infront
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in front
 of screens for hours
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due
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, due
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 to which obesity is rising among
individual
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individuals
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.
This
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further
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 contibutes in becoming hypertensive and diabetic.
For instance
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, a report generated by WHO suggests that one out of every 5 individual is suffering from a
non-cummunicable diseases
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non-communicable disease
show examples
.
Moreover
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,
rise
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a rise
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 in pollution is
also
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 causing
health
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 concerns
..
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.
show examples
It is because fossil fuel emissions from different vehicles and industries are directly affecting our
health
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.
For example
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, carbon emissions from vehicles
is
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are
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 causing serious respiratory diseases.
Furthermore
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, now
people
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People
show examples
 prefer to eat processed food or fast food.These
food
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foods
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 are rich in sugar that can cause insulin resistance and diabetes.

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task response
Estimated score: 5. Your answer has good ideas, but it is not complete. Add a final paragraph that sums up your view.
task response
Explain each main idea more fully. For example, say how long hours of sitting can lead to weight gain, then to heart disease.
task response
The WHO example is useful, but make it more exact if possible. Also, do not use an unclear fact unless you can explain it well.
task response
Write more about the future. Show why these problems may grow, not only why they exist now.
coherence and cohesion
Use one main idea in each body paragraph. Your last paragraph has two ideas: pollution and fast food. Put fast food in its own paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Add a clear ending, for example: “In conclusion, I agree that health may fall because people move less, pollution is rising, and unhealthy food is common.”
coherence and cohesion
Make links inside sentences clearer. For example: “As a result, many people may become overweight, which can increase the risk of diabetes.”
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “This is because” too often. Use simple choices like “This happens because”, “As a result”, and “For this reason”.
task response
Your view is clear: you agree that health may get worse in the future.
task response
You give three relevant main ideas: less movement, air pollution, and processed food.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start and uses simple links such as “Firstly”, “Moreover”, and “Furthermore”.
coherence and cohesion
Your examples are linked to the points about disease, so the reader can follow your meaning.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Standard of health
  • 2. Average
  • 3. Lower
  • 4. Future
  • 5. Aging population
  • 6. Chronic diseases
  • 7. Sedentary lifestyle
  • 8. Lack of exercise
  • 9. Poor dietary habits
  • 10. Environmental pollution
  • 11. Technological advancements
  • 12. Impact on health
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