IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people no longer read newspapers or watch TV news programmes. Instead, they get news about the world from the Internet. Is this a positive or negative development?

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There is no denying the fact that reading
newspapers
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 and watching TV
news
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 programmes are not common among young
people
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 .
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that many
people
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 do not read
newspapers
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 or watch TV
news
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 programmes at the moment. There is
also
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 an argument that the majority of
people
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 prefer to get information from the
Internet
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, which has numerous advantages because it makes it easier to reach international
news
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 or local
news
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both points of view and express my opinion. On the one hand, the
Internet
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 has clear advantages.
Linking Words
in
Capitalize the word
In
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 other words, it helps
people
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 to read many topics in a short period of
time
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 and can save a lot of
time
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.
Whereas
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 using
newspapers
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 or watching TV
news
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 programmes encourages individuals to get information from different kinds of reliable sources.
Linking Words
in
Capitalize the word
In
show examples
 addition, the
Internet
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 allows them to enjoy their
time
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.
For example
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, YouTube is essential for most
people
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 to help them spend quality
time
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 on their phone because it makes
have
Correct pronoun usage
them have
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 more fun and allows them to unwind .
On the other hand
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, reading
newspapers
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 has substantial advantages.
it
Verb problem
It is
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also
Linking Words
 possible to say that it gives them better concentration and mental health.
This
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 leads to a significant increase in focus and more productivity, which helps reduce the risk of health issues
such
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 as short attention span or eye strain.
Moreover
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, using the
Internet
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 takes an excessive amount of
time
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,
it
Correct word choice
and it
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 reduces relationships with other
people
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.
For instance
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, nowadays, many
people
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 like spending more
time
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 on their mobile phones because their phones make them feel more elated.

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task response
Score: 5. You talk about both the Internet and newspapers, but you do not clearly say if this change is positive or negative. Choose one clear view and repeat it in the end.
task response
Write a short ending. It should answer the question directly, for example: “In my view, this is mostly a positive change because online news is fast and easy to get.”
task response
Keep your ideas about news. The YouTube example is about fun and phone use, not about getting world news. Use an example about a news site, a news app, or fast updates in an emergency.
task response
Explain each main point more. For example, say why online news saves time, or why news on the Internet may not always be true.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 5. Your essay has an introduction and two main parts, but it has no conclusion. Add one final paragraph with your view.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph about one idea. In paragraph 1, write only about the good sides of Internet news. In paragraph 2, write only about the bad sides of Internet news or the good sides of newspapers and TV news.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas do not connect well. For example, “the Internet allows them to enjoy their time” does not follow the point about news. Remove it or link it clearly to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Use link words in the right way. Start new sentences with capital letters: “In addition,” not “in addition”. Also leave one space after a full stop.
coherence and cohesion
A better plan: Introduction: say your view. Paragraph 1: online news is fast and easy, with one news example. Paragraph 2: online news can have false news or too much phone time, with one example. Conclusion: give your final view.
task response
You give a clear main idea: the Internet is fast and easy for news.
coherence and cohesion
You use a clear two-part plan with “On the one hand” and “On the other hand”.
coherence and cohesion
You use some link words, such as “For example”, “Moreover”, and “Whereas”.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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