IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Accidents are common on roads. What are the causes of this problem? Can you speculate the effects of this phenomenon and how could the frequency of accidents be reduced?

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many peopel
Correct your spelling
Many people
 have been in
car
Correct article usage
a car
show examples
 crash in
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 life.
in
Capitalize the word
In
show examples
this
Linking Words
 essay l will discuss how
can we
Correct word order
we can
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 decrease the number of accidents. First of all, their is a lot of people every day
face
Correct pronoun usage
who face
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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accidents on
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 way
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
home or when they go to their jobs.
However
Linking Words
, we can
foucs
Correct your spelling
focus
 on how we
shold
Correct your spelling
should
 stop these
commen
Correct your spelling
common
 mistakes.
For example
Linking Words
, if there was a serious punishment too any one useing a cell phone or
get
Wrong verb form
getting
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 busy with other
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
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 in the car rather than
the
Verb problem
focusing on the
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road
Use synonyms
. We will see that people will show their
cooperated
Replace the word
cooperation
 immediately.
Secondly
Linking Words
, we can make a lot of stops on the
Use synonyms
road
Punctuation problem
road,
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 that's guarantee to the driver that he can rest there and complete the ride when he's ready.
In addition
Linking Words
, some researchers did a study in
2020
Punctuation problem
2020,
show examples
 they bring 100 individuals have been
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a lot of accidents
and the steady
Punctuation problem
. The study examined
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 how they
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 driving,
the
Correct word choice
and the
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 mutual thing between them
that
Verb problem
was that
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 they
are always not
Correct word order
were not always
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 paying attention to the
road
Use synonyms
 or eating
while
Linking Words
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
driving.
Too
Use the right word
To
show examples
 stop and get the number of
accident
Fix the agreement mistake
accidents
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lower
Punctuation problem
lower,
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 we have to take serious actions
or
Punctuation problem
, or
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 we can
makes
Wrong verb form
make
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 cars that have
a
Correct article usage
an
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 AI system like
new
Correct article usage
the new
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 series of BMW that stop itself and get off the
road
Use synonyms
 if the driver accidentally
fell
Wrong verb form
falls
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 asleep.
To conclude
Linking Words
, we can decrease the number of
accident
Fix the agreement mistake
accidents
show examples
 if we
put a
Verb problem
impose
show examples
 serious punishment
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 anyone who does not pay attention and put his life
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 risk and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others. Or we can build a car
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 has a modern system that can read
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
driver
Check wording
driver's
show examples
 eye if he does not pay attention and stop itself.

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Task response
Score: 5. You answer all parts, but the effects of road accidents are not fully discussed. Add clear effects, such as death, hurt people, more cost for families, road blocks, and fear. Give one short, real-looking example for each main idea.
Task response
Make each point more exact. For example, say why phone use leads to crashes: a driver may not see a red light, a child, or a car in front. Then say how a rule or a fine can help.
Coherence and cohesion
Score: 5. Your main order is clear, but some long sentences are hard to follow. Use shorter sentences. Put one main idea in each paragraph, then add a reason and an example.
Coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Do not put many ideas in one sentence. For example: “Drivers may feel tired after a long trip. Therefore, rest areas can help them stop and sleep.”
Coherence and cohesion
Your study example is hard to understand and does not clearly support the point. Either explain it in simple steps or remove it. Also, do not use made-up study facts unless you can state them clearly.
General
Overall score: 5. Work on clear sentences and full answers to every part of the question. Check common word forms too: “there”, “their”, “accident”, “people”, “focus”, “should”, “common”, and “using”.
Task response
You give clear main causes: phone use, not looking at the road, eating, and being too tired. You also give ways to cut accidents: strong rules, places to rest, and safe car systems.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an opening, two main parts, and a clear ending. Words such as “First of all”, “Secondly”, “For example”, “In addition”, and “To conclude” help the reader follow your ideas.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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