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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that managers alone should make decisions in a company, while others believe that employees should be involved in the decision-making process. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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There is an ongoing debate
whether
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about whether
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 important
decisions
Use synonyms
 in a
company
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 should be made solely by
managers
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 or whether
employees
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 should
also
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 have a say in the decision-making
process
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.
Although
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managers
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 possess greater
experience
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 and authority, I believe that involving
employees
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 can lead to better
decisions
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 and
more
Correct article usage
a more
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 motivated workforce. First of all,
managers
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 are generally responsible for the
overll
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overall
 performance of the
company
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 and
therefore
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 have a better understanding of its long-term objectives. They are
also
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 usually more
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experience
Replace the word
experienced
 in dealing with
compex
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complex
 business matters and unexpected situations and have to
take
Verb problem
make
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 urgent
decisions
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 instantly.
Moreover
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, they are expected to take responsibility
of
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for
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 the consequences of the
decisions
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 and are obliged to maintain the progress of a
company
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 .
Furthermore
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, allowing only senior staff to take certain steps can make the
process
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 faster, particularly when urgent action is required.
For example
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, a manager
amy
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may
 have to
take
Verb problem
make an
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 immediate decision on finacial or
operation
Replace the word
operational
 problem without spending time consulting with every staff member.
On the other hand
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, including staff in decision making
process
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 can lead to significant
outcome
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outcomes
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.
Employees
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 are the one who works on
shelf
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the shelf
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 and deal with customers.
Consequently
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, they have deep knowledge about the daily operations that the
managers
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 may not possess. Their suggestion
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Punctuation problem
, therefore
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therefore
Punctuation problem
therefore,
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 can help identify problems and develop more effective solutions.
In addition
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, when
employees
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 are given
opportunity
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the opportunity
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 to
involve
Wrong verb form
be involved
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 in
such
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Use synonyms
process
Correct article usage
a process
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, they feel more valued and motivated to
putt
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put
 more efforts in the betterment of the
company
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.
Thus
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,
Jon
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Jon's
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 satisfaction and commitment
for
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to
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 the organisation improves simaltaneously.
For example
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,
employees
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 may suggest changes to workplace procedures that can increase efficiency because they
experience
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theses
Use the right word
these
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 processes on a daily basis. In my opinion,
although
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managers
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shoud
Correct your spelling
should
 retain final responsibility for major
decisions
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,
employees
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 should be consulted whenever their
experience
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 and
knowldhe
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knowledge
 can contribute
the
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to the
show examples
 outcome. A collaborative
apprich
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approach
 can combine managerial expertise and
employee's
Check wording
employees'
show examples
 practical understanding , resulting in
decisions
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 that are both efficient
are
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and
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 realistic. In conclusion,
managers
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 have the authority and
experience
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 to make important business
decisions
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,
while
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employees
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 can contribute valuable practical knowledge.
Therefore
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,
i beleive
Correct your spelling
I believe
 that companies should adopt a balanced approach in which
managers
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 make the final
decisions
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 after considering
employee's
Check wording
employees'
show examples
 views.

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task response
Score: 7. To reach 8, explain your examples a little more. For example, say how a staff idea can save time, cut costs, or make customers happier.
task response
Your main ideas are good, but some points are repeated. Try to add one new reason or a more real example instead of saying again that managers have more experience.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 7. Your paragraph order is clear. However, some sentences are hard to read because of word mistakes. Check words like “overall”, “more experienced”, “complex”, “financial”, and “operational”.
coherence and cohesion
Use shorter, cleaner sentences in a few places. For example: “A manager may need to make an immediate decision about a financial or operational problem.”
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same words for the same group. You use “employees”, “staff”, and “workers”. This is not wrong, but using “employees” more often will make the essay feel more joined.
task response
You discuss both sides clearly and give your own view. Your view is clear: managers should make the final choice, but staff should be asked for ideas.
task response
Your examples are on topic, such as staff helping to improve daily work and managers acting fast in a problem.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, managers' view, staff view, and ending.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words such as “First of all”, “On the other hand”, “In addition”, and “In conclusion” help the reader follow your ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • top-down approach
  • hierarchical structure
  • grassroots level
  • strategic planning
  • on-the-ground experience
  • inclusive management
  • employee engagement
  • democratic process
  • transparency
  • cohesion
  • morale
  • practical insights
  • long-term goals
  • mutual respect
  • resistance to change
  • team dynamics
  • broader perspective
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