IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Learning to play team sports is an important part o f a child’s education. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Sports
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 extremely essential for physical and mental health
;
Punctuation problem
,
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 because our muscles and brains keep active
while
Linking Words
 doing
sports
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.
In
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Additionally
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additionally
Linking Words
,
team
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sports
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 are more important than
individial
Correct your spelling
individual
sports
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 for
child's
Check wording
children's
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 education
due to
Linking Words
 learning friendship and learning fighting for a common goal with
your
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their
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 fellows.
Firstly
Linking Words
, one of the most important
advantage
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advantages
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 of
team
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sports
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 is learning and experiencing fighting with a
team
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 spirit. If everyone on a
team
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 thought individually during the game, you wouldn't win a single match; even if you won, it wouldn't mean anything for the
team
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 as
whole
Correct article usage
a whole
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.
For instance
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, PSG football club had never won a Champions League
finale
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final
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 until 2 years ago, even though having Mbappe on the
team
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. Because it's a
team
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 sport, and it is really hard to achieve success without thinking as a whole and without fighting with a
team
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 spirit.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, group
sports
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 are
also
Linking Words
 very beneficial for building friendships, especially for young people. Learning something begins
while
Linking Words
 people are young.
Team
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sports
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 are considerably helpful in preventing bullying among children and fostering personality traits
such
Linking Words
 as self-confidence in young people. Before I started
to
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apply
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high school, I had been playing football and basketball for years when I was
child
Correct article usage
a child
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 , and these
sports
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 had remarkably improved my self-confidence and
leaderships
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leadership
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 skills,
while
Linking Words
 at the same time helping me build a lot of friendships.
Consequently
Linking Words
, every
children
Fix the agreement mistake
child
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 should participate in at least one group
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sports
Fix the agreement mistake
sport
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 during their lifetime because friendships and other personal skills are not usually taughy at schools. For these reasons, adults should support their children in participating in these
team
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sports
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, and they should keep
encouring
Correct your spelling
encouraging
 them
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they should be proud of their
achivements
Correct your spelling
achievements
.

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overall score
Estimated score: 6. Your ideas answer the question well, and the essay is well planned. To get a higher score, explain each idea more fully and make some links between sentences more natural.
task response
State your view more directly in the first paragraph. For example: “I agree that team sports are an important part of a child’s education.”
task response
Your first example is useful, but it needs more care. Say why the PSG example proves your point. Also, do not say a team did not win only because it did not work as one; this is too strong and may not be true.
task response
Develop the point about bullying more. Explain how being on a team can help a child feel part of a group and make it less likely that they are left out.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long and have many ideas. Make them shorter. This will make your meaning clearer. For example, split the sentence about winning, the team, and team spirit into two or three sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. “In addition” is better than “In additionally”. Also, do not begin every new idea with a linking word if the link is already clear.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same words for the same idea. You use “team sports” and “group sports”. “Team sports” is clearer because it is the wording in the question.
coherence and cohesion
Your last paragraph repeats “they should” many times. Use one clear final sentence instead: “Therefore, parents and schools should encourage children to take part in team sports.”
task response
You give a clear opinion: team sports are important for children. Your main ideas are clear: working for one goal and making friends.
task response
You use both a football club example and your own experience. This makes your points more real.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. Words such as “Firstly”, “Furthermore”, and “Consequently” help the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part has one main idea, so the essay is easy to understand.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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