IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people try to balance work and other parts of their life. However, this is very difficult to do. What are the problems associated with this? What is the best way to achieve a better balance?

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Nowadays, a lot of
population
Check wording
people
show examples
 try to balance their
work
Use synonyms
 commitments and other parts of their life,
such
Linking Words
 as personal life, but it has become really challenging
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days.
As a result
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, working long hours may lead to negative impacts on their physical
health
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
also
Linking Words
, it can lead to various family conflicts.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the main problems caused by poor
work
Use synonyms
-life balance and
give
Verb problem
provide
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 the most effective solution. Working long hours can have serious consequences for people’s mental
health
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, but there are a lot of beneficial solutions
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, provide equal
time
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 for both. Employees who
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
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 for long hours do not have enough
time
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 for their family, hobbies and
suffers
Correct subject-verb agreement
suffer
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 from lack of sleep. Cause of less
time
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 to rest
they
Punctuation problem
, they
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 may be really
stressful
Replace the word
stressed
 and depressed.
As a result
Linking Words
, their family may get divorced because of less attention and weaker relationships.
For instance
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, pilots do not have
schedule
Correct article usage
a schedule
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 of
work
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,
Punctuation problem
;
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 they may have a flight at any
time
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, even on their weekends
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 it is very challenging for them, and
also
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 for their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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 because they cannot spend as much
time
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 as they want with their families. There are several effective solutions for these problems.
Firstly
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, employees should organize daily schedule and finish
work
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 on
time
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so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
,
they
Correct word choice
so they
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 may have more
time
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 for family, hobbies and relaxation.
In addition
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,
employees
Check wording
employees'
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health
Use synonyms
 would be better and healthier, they can sleep on
time
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, eat well and spend quality
time
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 with family.
For example
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, pilots may take a break from
work
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 another pilot can take their place
while
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 they are on leave.
As a result
Linking Words
, their stress will reduce
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they can maintain
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
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 lifestyle during their
time
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 off. In conclusion,
long-hours
Change preposition
long hours of
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 may
effect negatively for their family and physical
Correct word order
affect their family and physical health negatively
show examples
health
Use synonyms
.
Although
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 there are a lot of solutions for it,
such
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 as
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
 a break from
work
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Score: 5. Your ideas are clear, but they are not fully developed. Explain more clearly how long work hours harm health and family life. Give one best main way to fix the problem, not many general ideas.
task response
The question asks for the best way. Your answer says people should plan their day and take breaks, but it does not clearly say which one is the best and why. Choose one main answer, such as fixed work hours, and explain it well.
task response
Some ideas are not fully true or clear. For example, pilots may have work plans, even if their hours can change. Use a more general example, or explain the pilot example with care.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 5. The main order is good, but some sentences do not fit well together. For example, the first body part starts with a problem, then moves to solutions. Keep all problems in the first body part and all solutions in the second.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main point easier to follow: state the point, explain it, then give an example. This will help the reader see your ideas more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Do not put “also” and “so” too often in one sentence. Use short, clear links such as “This means”, “Because of this”, and “For this reason”.
coherence and cohesion
Your end repeats the main idea, but it is too short. State the two problems and name your one best answer again.
task response
You answer both parts: you show problems and give ways to make life better.
task response
Your examples about pilots are on topic and help show the problem.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “As a result”, “Firstly”, “In addition”, and “For example”.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • burnout
  • stress management
  • personal fulfillment
  • workplace demands
  • tech-savvy
  • disconnect
  • boundaries
  • prioritization
  • time management
  • mental well-being
  • societal pressures
  • flexible working hours
  • job satisfaction
  • self-care
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