IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Surveillance cameras in banks, offices, shops and streets have been very successful in reducing crime in the workplace and public, but they are also took for their users to spy on people's private business. what problems do surveillance cameras create? what are the solutions?

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Surveillance
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cameras
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 have become a common feature in public places and workplaces because they help prevent crime and improve security.
However
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, despite these advantages, they can
also
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 lead to serious concerns about privacy and misuse.
This
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 essay will discuss the problems caused by
surveillance
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cameras
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 and suggest effective solutions. One major problem is the invasion of personal privacy. People may feel uncomfortable knowing that their daily activities are constantly being recorded, even when they are not doing anything wrong.
This
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 can create stress and reduce their sense of freedom. Another issue is the misuse of recorded footage. In some cases, individuals or organisations may access or share videos without permission, leading to blackmail, harassment, or damage to a person’s reputation.
Furthermore
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, weak cybersecurity systems can allow hackers to steal or manipulate
surveillance
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 data, putting sensitive information at risk. Several measures can be taken to address these issues.
First,
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governments should introduce strict laws regulating where
surveillance
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cameras
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 can be installed and how recorded footage can be used. Only authorised personnel should have access to the recordings, and severe penalties should be imposed on anyone who misuses them.
Second,
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organisations should invest in secure storage systems and encryption technology to protect video data from cyberattacks.
Finally
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, the public should be informed whenever
surveillance
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cameras
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 are operating, ensuring transparency and helping people understand that the
cameras
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 are installed primarily for safety rather than unnecessary monitoring. In conclusion,
although
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surveillance
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cameras
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 play a significant role in reducing crime and improving public safety, they can
also
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 threaten personal privacy and be misused. These concerns can be minimised through stronger legal regulations, improved data security, and greater transparency regarding the use of
surveillance
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 systems.

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task response
Score: 8. Add one short real-life example for one problem. For example, say how a worker’s video could be shared without their OK. This would make your points stronger.
task response
Explain the link between each problem and each answer a little more. For example, say why strict rules can stop people from using video in the wrong way.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 8. Your order is very clear. To make it even better, make each answer match one problem in the same order: privacy → laws, wrong use → access rules, hackers → safe data systems.
coherence and cohesion
Some lines list ideas quickly. Add a short link sentence after a main point so the next idea feels more connected.
task response
You answer both questions. You give clear problems and clear ways to deal with them.
task response
Your ideas stay on the topic: privacy, wrong use of video, and data safety.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and a clear end.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “However”, “Another issue”, “Furthermore”, “First”, and “Finally” help the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • surveillance
  • privacy invasion
  • misuse
  • cybercriminals
  • over-reliance
  • psychological impact
  • data storage
  • data breaches
  • compliance
  • behavioral changes
  • regulations
  • signage
  • encrypting
  • secured storage
  • privacy rights
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