IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, whiles others think there are disadvantages to this. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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In recent years, there has been a growing debate about whether
sponsor
Wrong verb form
sponsoring
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sports
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 as a
way
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 to advertise their
company
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.
While
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 some people believe that it is
advantage
Correct article usage
an advantage
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 to promote their
company
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 brand, others argue that it's completely waste of
money
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 and time.
This
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 essay will discuss
both
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 views before presenting my own opinion.
Firstly
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, many people believe that it's
easy
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an easy
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way
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 to
do marketing of
Replace the word
market
 their
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company
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company's
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products
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. The primary reason is that
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company
Correct article usage
the company
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 can cover
wide
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a wide
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 range of audience.
This
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 can be explained by the fact that
companies
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 can display in
the
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apply
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diverse methods
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such
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, such
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 as using posters, famous
player
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players
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 to advertise some
products
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, discounts
so
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, and so
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 on
..,
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.
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For instance
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, recent football
fifa
Capitalize the proper name
FIFA
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 matches were
sponser
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sponsored
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 by many
companies
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Punctuation problem
, one
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one particulary
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particularly
 in India
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, abx
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abx tv
Capitalize the proper name
ABX TV
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 channel starts promoting their app for
weekly
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a weekly
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 offer
in
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at
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 a rate.
Consequently
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,
both
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companies
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 and
sports
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 will
benefits
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benefit
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.
However
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, others argue that sponsoring
sports
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 events can be a waste of
money
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. They claim that
companies
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 have to spend large amounts of
money
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 on sponsorship, but many viewers may not be interested in buying the
company
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's
products
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. A good example of
this
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 is a
company
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 sponsoring a football team, where the
company
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 may spend a large amount of
money
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but
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, but
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 most viewers simply watch the match without purchasing its
products
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.
As a result
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, the
company
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 may receive little financial return from its investment. From my perspective, I believe that
sports
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 sponsorship can be an effective
way
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 to advertise a
company
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 because it can reach a wide audience and increase brand awareness.
To conclude
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,
although
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both
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 views have their own merits, I believe that
best
Correct article usage
the best
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way
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 to
adverstise
Correct your spelling
advertise
 their
products
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because
Verb problem
is that
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 mostly they will come as a family specfically
children
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children,
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 gets attracts the advertise here comes their
products
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on
Verb problem
appear on
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 spot.
Overall
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,
this
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 approach would provide long-term benefits for
both
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 individuals and society.

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overall score
Estimated score: 5. Your ideas answer the question, but some parts are not clear enough and need better support.
task response
Make the good side more fully explained. Say how a sports event helps a company: many people see the name, remember it, and may buy the product later.
task response
Your first example is hard to understand. Use one clear example instead. For example: “A phone company can put its name on a football shirt. Millions of fans see it during each match.”
task response
Explain your own view in more detail. In the end, you say children may be drawn to ads, but this point is not fully linked to your main view. Say why the good points are greater than the bad points.
task response
Do not end with “benefits for both individuals and society.” It is too general and does not fit the question. End by talking about companies, sports teams, and fans.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. In body 1, focus only on why sponsorship works. In body 2, focus only on why it can fail or cost too much.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences have many ideas but are not clear, such as the sentence about posters, famous players, discounts, and the TV channel. Break this into short sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear links between ideas. For example: “This is because…”, “For this reason…”, and “In contrast…”. Do not use too many links in one sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last paragraph match your opinion paragraph. State your view again in one clear sentence, then give the main reason.
task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view. Your main view is clear: sports sponsorship can help a company reach many people.
task response
You use examples, such as a company paying to support a football team. This helps explain the point about cost.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “Firstly”, “However”, “As a result”, and “To conclude” to show the order of ideas.
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