Some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, whiles others think there are disadvantages to this. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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Many people argue that sponsoring
sports
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is a good thing,
while
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others think
otherwise
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.
This
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essay will discuss both views
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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I will argue that
this
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has more advantages
rather
Correct word choice
apply
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than disadvantages. The supportive side argues that the occurrence of advertisements in sporting events will bring revenue to all stakeholders, whether it is the
organizer
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organiser
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or the team.
Therefore
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, all participants will
then
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have enough cash for themselves to operate,
thus
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making the
quality
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of the competition much better rather than not accepting sponsors at all.
On the other hand
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, the opposing side of the debate argues that the case is
otherwise
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. The partnership with companies in
sports
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will bring risk to make
sports
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that put profit first over
quality
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. In short, sponsorships will encourage a championship that focuses more on
monetizing
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monetising
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their event. In my opinion, the appearance of
sponsorship
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in
sports
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has more benefits
rather
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apply
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than costs. I argue that the main advantage comes from the financial benefit of
sponsorship
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that could bring opportunities for the
organizer
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organiser
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and the team to develop their
quality
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even more, since
this
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process needs resources to sustain
and
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, and
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the
sponsorship
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could offer
this
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.
For example
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, the English Premier League is known for its top-notch
quality
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in
football
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the football
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league, thanks to the abundance of
sponsorship
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that they have with many international companies. These partnerships give them enough resources to perfect their games in a sustainable way.
However
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, it needs to be ensured that sponsorships will not affect the attitude of all stakeholders to
prioritize
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prioritise
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profits over the
quality
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of the competition. In conclusion, I believe
sponsorship
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plays a crucial role in the development of
sports
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through financial incentives. By balancing the interests of all participants involved and putting the competition
quality
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first,
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I believe
sponsorship
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will not affect
sports
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in a degrading way.

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task response
Score: 7. Your ideas answer the full question, but the bad side needs more detail. Explain more clearly how sponsors can harm sport. For example, a team may show too many ads, or a company may try to change when games are played.
task response
Your own view is good, but you repeat the idea of money and quality many times. Add one new point, such as sponsors helping young players, local clubs, or free sport events.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 7. Your order is easy to follow, but some sentences are long and have too many ideas. Use shorter sentences to make your meaning more direct.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are not quite right. “In short” should sum up the point before it, but here it adds a new idea. Also, “this has more advantages rather than disadvantages” is not natural. Write: “this has more advantages than disadvantages.”
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences. For example: “One benefit of sport sponsors is that they give teams more money.” Then explain it and give one example.
task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view. Your view is clear from the start and stays the same to the end.
task response
Your example of the English Premier League is clear and linked to your main point about money helping sport grow.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: start, two sides, your view, and end. Each paragraph has one main job.
coherence and cohesion
You use link words such as “Therefore”, “On the other hand”, “For example”, and “In conclusion” well.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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