IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, whiles others think there are disadvantages to this. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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Introduction
Sponsorships
Use synonyms
 between athletic clubs and enterprises
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 become increasingly popular.
While
Linking Words
 a proportion of individuals consider it useful in terms of promoting corporates, others argue that there are drawbacks to
this
Linking Words
.
This
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 essay will examine both perspectives before presenting my own opinion, which flavours the concept of sponsoring.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand, critics of
sponsorships
Use synonyms
 often point out that the amount of money spent on it is misspent, a primary reason for their statement is that they do not see the mutual benefits partners gain.
For instance
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, Qatar Airways signed a
3 year
Correct your spelling
3-year
 sponsorship with Arsenal Football Club to put their logo
in
Change preposition
on
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 the team's jersey
,
Punctuation problem
. As
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as a result
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
 partnership, English passengers on Qatar Airways rose by roughly 6 per cent.
Consequently
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, Arsenal earned 60 million pounds for promotion, and Qatar
airways
Capitalize the proper name
Airways
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 gained new passengers.
Moreover
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, the exaggerated value of sponsoring may cause financial burden to companies
,
Punctuation problem
;
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instead
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 of paying for promotion, the capital could be invested in other things that
benefits
Correct subject-verb agreement
benefit
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 the business in the long-term.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, being promoted by a sports club sometimes
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 not for financial purposes only, which effectively means the business may want their brand to be known by as
much
Fix the agreement mistake
many
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 viewers as possible
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 they basically use the concept of soft strength.
In addition
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, these
sponsorships
Use synonyms
expands
Correct subject-verb agreement
expand
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 the
business'
Check wording
business's
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 network
,
Punctuation problem
;
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therefore
Linking Words
, potential investment partnerships may occur between them. A clear example of
this
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 can be seen in the MLS league, where a team called Miami sponsored RedBull Beverages, and after 5 years of the contract, they partnered in a real estate project.
Conclusion
In conclusion, despite people holding diverse points of view.
However
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, I firmly believe that
sponsorships
Use synonyms
 are beneficial for enterprises from all sides, especially financially and strategically.

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task response
Explain the bad side more fully. You say money may be wasted, but add a clear result, such as higher prices, less money for workers, or loss when the team does badly.
task response
Make your view more exact. Say that sport support is good only when the cost is right and the company chooses the right team.
task response
Some examples are not fully clear or may not be right. Use simple, believable examples, or explain each one more.
coherence and cohesion
Some long sentences join too many ideas. Split them into two or three short sentences. This will make your meaning easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each main part focused on one side. In the first body part, explain only the bad points. In the second, explain only the good points.
coherence and cohesion
Do not use “despite” and “However” together in the last part. Write: “In conclusion, people have different views. However, I believe ...”
task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view clearly.
task response
Your examples help show how sport support can bring money and new business links.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “For instance”, “Moreover”, “On the other hand”, and “In conclusion”.
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