IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Globalization has increased interactions between countries through trade, technology, and cultural exchange. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this trend

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As
globalization
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globalisation
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 is developing rapidly, it is
available
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possible
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 to migrate to various countries for different purposes. In
this
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 essay, I will touch on the benefits and drawbacks of
migration
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 for an individual or for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society. On the one hand, the most striking reason for
migration
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 is
due to
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 the better lifestyle. The majority of people tend to move to another country in order to improve their standard of living,
such
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 as better education
,
Correct word choice
and
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 a new environment.
This
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 is exemplified in the lifestyle of some nations. By moving to developed countries, these
individuals
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 may gain greater financial security and make new social connections.
Moreover
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, education can be
the
Correct article usage
a
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 major reason for moving abroad and getting a better education may cause good conversation skills and adapt to the new environment.
On the other hand
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,
migration
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 can
also
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 have negative consequences for people. By moving abroad,
individuals
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 have to adapt to a different language, culture and social environment, which may lead to loneliness, homesickness and psychological stress. Migrants may
also
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 face discrimination in every aspect of their lives or encounter several difficulties in obtaining employment that matches their qualifications. Sometimes, highly educated
individuals
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 are forced to accept low-skilled jobs.
Therefore
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, these challenges can make the process of settling in a foreign country considerably difficult. From a societal perspective,
migration
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 has advantages and disadvantages. Immigrants can help the economy by working and paying,
whereas
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 a large number of immigrants can put pressure on housing, schools, hospitals and other public services.
In addition
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, cultural differences may sometimes cause problems between immigrants and local people if they are not well integrated into society. In conclusion,
although
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migration
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 can cause some problems, it
also
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 has many benefits for
individuals
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 and society.

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task response
The main problem is that the question is about globalization, but most of your essay is about migration. Migration is only one part of globalization. Write about trade, technology, and culture too. Give clear good and bad points for each side.
task response
Your ideas are clear, but some need more support. For example, explain how trade can give people more jobs or lower prices. Also explain how global culture can help people learn from each other, but may make local ways less common.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. However, the first line does not fit the task well. Start by saying what globalization is and that it has both good and bad effects.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words to show the plan more clearly: First, Also, However, For example, As a result, and In conclusion. Make sure each paragraph has one main idea.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow. For example, 'it is available to migrate' is not clear. Write: 'people can move to other countries more easily.' Keep sentences short and direct.
task response
You give both good and bad sides of migration, not only one side.
task response
You use some real and useful points, such as better education, jobs, stress, housing, and public services.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is divided into clear paragraphs: one about people, one about society, and a short end.
coherence cohesion
You use basic linking words well, such as 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', 'Moreover', and 'In conclusion'.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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