IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that develop the mind, such as reading and doing crossword puzzles. Other feel that it is important to give one`s mind a rest in leisure time. Discuss both views and give your own opinion?

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Some
individuals
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 believe that free
time
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 should be spent on
activities
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 that stimulate the mind,
while
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 others argue that it is more beneficial to relax physically and mentally. I agree with both perspectives as mental excercises helps to develop cognitive abilities,
whereas
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relaxation
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 allows
body
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the body
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 to regain energy. Those who support mental
exercies
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exercises
 argue that
such
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activities
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 improve cognitive abilities and sharpen the mind. Many
individuals
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 prefer solving puzzles, crosswords, and
soduku
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Sudoku
 to use their free
time
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 effectively. These
activities
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 not only increase their concentration but
also
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 enhance productivity. Apart from that, some people prefer reading to broaden their knowledge and to improve their linguistic skills by learning new words, language and vocabulary as well. I
also
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 believe that people who spend their leisure
time
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 on mentally stimulating
activities
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 become more intelligent and productive than those who remain glued to screens.
However
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, others argue that it should be a personal choice to use their leisure
time
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. Most
individuals
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 prefer relaxing
activities
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 to calm their
mind
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minds
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 after a hectic schedule.
For example
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, engaging in resting, meditation, or going out with family members encourages them to spend their
time
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 wisely
,
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apply
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 and helps to create
better
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a better
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 understanding among them.
Moreover
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,
such
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activities
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 allow them to recharge their batteries
,
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apply
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 and make them more energetic and focused when performing tasks at the workplace. I personally believe that
relaxation
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 is an essential way to reduce
the
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apply
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stress
level
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levels
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 in the human body and
make
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help
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individuals
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 become
a
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apply
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better
version
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versions
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 of themselves. In conclusion,
while
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 some people prefer spending their leisure
time
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 on mentally stimulating
activities
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 to enhance their cognitive abilities, others choose
relaxation
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 to reduce stress and regain energy. I believe both approaches are beneficial, but
relaxation
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 plays a crucial role in maintaining mental balance and improving
overall
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 well‑being.

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task response
Score: 7. Your answer is on topic and covers both views. To reach 8, explain each point more deeply. For example, say how reading or puzzles help people in daily life, and say why rest may help work or study.
task response
Your opinion is not fully the same in all parts. In the first paragraph, you say you agree with both views. In the end, you say rest is more important. State this choice more clearly in the first paragraph.
task response
Some ideas are too broad. “People become more intelligent and productive” needs a clearer reason or a real example.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 7. The paragraph plan is clear, but some links are not smooth. For example, “Apart from that” and “as well” are not needed. Use shorter, clearer links.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. In paragraph 2, puzzles and reading are both useful, but explain one of them first before moving to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same idea. You say rest helps people regain energy, recharge their batteries, and become energetic. Choose one or two clear ways to say this.
task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view. Your main idea is clear from the start to the end.
task response
You use good examples, such as puzzles, reading, rest, and time with family.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: first view, second view, then a short end.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “However”, “For example”, “Moreover”, and “In conclusion” help the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • mental stimulation
  • keep the mind active
  • improve concentration
  • develop cognitive skills
  • broaden one’s knowledge
  • a lifelong learning habit
  • intellectually challenging
  • mental exhaustion
  • give the mind a break
  • reduce stress levels
  • unwind after work
  • recharge one’s batteries
  • maintain a healthy work-life balance
  • improve overall well-being
  • leisure activities
  • a balanced approach
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