IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many aspects of the way people dress today are influenced by global fashion trends. How has global fashion become such a strong influence on people’s lives? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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The global
fashion
Use synonyms
trends
Use synonyms
 are admitted to drive the way we
are dressing
Wrong verb form
dress
show examples
 nowadays. The hype is quickly
adapted
Verb problem
adopted
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 by the younger generation, particularly through an excitement to follow their favourite celebrity or public figures.
However
Linking Words
, the other older generation tends to stay dressed in their comfortable way.
This
Linking Words
 could be
describe
Wrong verb form
described
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 by maintaining a timeless wardrobe,
while
Linking Words
 still adjusting
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the global
trends
Use synonyms
 to present properly
in
Change preposition
on
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 a certain occasion. Following the prior ideas of the world’s clothing
behave
Replace the word
behaviour
, people usually didn’t
realize
Change the spelling
realise
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 that
this
Linking Words
 is actually a general phenomenon. The popularity
Linking Words
instead
Punctuation problem
, instead
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, is usually led by a trendsetter, which came from the
fashion
Use synonyms
 industry itself.
For example
Linking Words
, when a celebrity appeared with an unusual style, it was prepared by her stylist behind it.
This
Linking Words
 could be from the best recommendation from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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several top performing stylist, which was cited
then
Linking Words
 by the media, namely Harper’s Bazaar,
Vague
Correct your spelling
Vogue
, and so forth. Once their appearance raised public attention,
then
Linking Words
 the community
will
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
started to follow
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it
affecting
Wrong verb form
affected
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 their lives afterwards. To arrive
on
Change preposition
at
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 a deeper view, we should assess the specific part of how
the
Correct article usage
apply
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fashion
Use synonyms
 has been influencing people. If the clothing contradicts
with
Change preposition
apply
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their faith, it was a bad influence. In my opinion, in Islam,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women are not allowed to
appear
Verb problem
show
show examples
 their body parts in public. But when
Moslem
Correct word choice
Muslim
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 women
tends
Correct subject-verb agreement
tend
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 to do it through how the
trends
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shaped
Wrong verb form
shape
show examples
 them, the global
fashion
Use synonyms
trends
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
apply
show examples
driving negatively. That’s why I would say
this
Linking Words
as
Verb problem
is
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 a
drawbacks
Fix the agreement mistake
drawback
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 of development. In conclusion, the influence of
fashion
Use synonyms
 in our lives
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
really depends on our preference. As a part of
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
, we should respect how
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others are dressed and pick our style wisely.

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task response
Make your answer to the first question more full. Explain more clearly how social media, online shops, TV, and fast sharing of photos help global fashion reach people all over the world.
task response
State your main view early and clearly. For example: “I think this is mainly a negative change because it can make people copy others and forget their own values.” Then keep this same view in each body paragraph.
task response
Your main example is about faith, but the essay needs more than one clear reason. Add another reason, such as people spending too much money, feeling pressure to look like stars, or losing local dress styles.
task response
Some ideas are too general or hard to follow. For example, explain what you mean by “the world’s clothing behave” and how this changes people’s daily lives.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple plan: first body paragraph for why global fashion is strong; second body paragraph for why it is good or bad. This will make the answer easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main sentence. Then give an example and explain the result. Do not move from young people, to older people, to stylists, and media without clear links.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between ideas. For example: “One reason is...”, “Another reason is...”, “As a result...”, and “For this reason...”.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the end closer to your main view. The final line says people should respect all dress styles, but it does not clearly repeat why you think the trend is negative.
task response
You give a clear main view: fashion can be bad when it goes against a person’s faith. You also use an example about Muslim women to explain this view.
task response
You answer both parts of the question. You explain that stars, stylists, and media can make fashion trends strong.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, main body, and end. The last paragraph gives a short summary of your view.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as “However”, “For example”, “In my opinion”, and “In conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • global
  • trend
  • fashion
  • style
  • fashionable
  • influencer
  • celebrity
  • brand
  • access
  • marketing
  • popular
  • worldwide
  • connect
  • showcase
  • event
  • clothing
  • culture
  • rise
  • buy
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