IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think it is a good thing for senior managers to have much higher salaries than other workers in a company. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
There is a controversial debate surrounding whether senior
managers
Use synonyms
 should receive a higher salary than other employees in the company. For me, I strongly support the former option.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, one of the main reasons why
managers
Use synonyms
 earn more money than others is that they undertake more responsibility for work.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 they spend more time doing tasks and account the daily expenses.
For instance
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, normal workers finish
performance
Check wording
their work
show examples
 at 6 pm;
however
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, senior leaders usually
job
Verb problem
work
show examples
 overtime
due to
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 submitting reports to the boss.
Therefore
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, they deserve
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
more salary.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
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, another reason is that senior
managers
Use synonyms
 face a lot of pressure during their task period, since they have a huge duty on their shoulders. They not only account for expenses, but they
also
Linking Words
 have to be responsible for employee attendance.
While
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 other employees spend time with family or friends after work, senior
managers
Use synonyms
 have to prepare the next project at home, despite their working hours being over.
Conclusion
To sum up
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,
while
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 employees take a break after
struggle
Replace the word
struggling
, senior
managers
Use synonyms
 would prefer to work overtime
due to
Linking Words
 huge responsibilities.
That is
Linking Words
 why I firmly believe that they deserve more awards and bonuses than others.

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task response
Explain your view more fully. The question says “much higher salaries”, so say why the pay gap should be very large, not only why managers should get more pay.
task response
Add a short point about the other side. For example, say that workers also do key work, but managers make big choices and are held to account when things go wrong.
task response
Use more real and clear examples. Instead of saying managers “account the daily expenses”, give an example: a manager may plan a new project, lead a team, and answer to the company head.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each body part on one clear idea. In the first body part, focus on duty and big choices. In the second, focus on long hours and pressure. At present, some points are said again.
coherence and cohesion
Make the links between ideas more natural. For example: “Because managers are in charge of the team, they must deal with problems after work. As a result, higher pay is fair.”
coherence and cohesion
Make the ending shorter and more direct. Do not add a new idea such as “awards and bonuses”. State your main view again: senior managers should earn much more because they have greater duty, make key choices, and face more pressure.
task response
Check that your examples support the main point. “Employee attendance” is a small task, so it does not strongly show why senior managers should have much higher pay. Use bigger duties instead.
task response
You give a clear view from the start and keep the same view to the end.
task response
Your two main ideas are on topic: managers have more work and more pressure.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “To begin with”, “Secondly”, “For instance”, and “To sum up” to guide the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • justification
  • experience
  • responsibility
  • high-stakes decisions
  • motivation
  • incentive
  • wage disparity
  • morale
  • meritocracy
  • performance
  • contributions
  • company finances
  • employee development
  • research
  • expansion
  • alternative compensation structures
  • performance-based bonuses
  • profit sharing
  • dissatisfaction
  • retention
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