IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The two pie charts show the percentage of pollutants entering a particular part of ocean in 1997 and 2007.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
The pie charts compare the proportions of
pollutants
Use synonyms
 entering a
a
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
particular part of
ocean
Correct article usage
the ocean
show examples
 in 1997 and 2007.
Overall
Linking Words
,
pollutants
Use synonyms
 from the air accounted for the largest share in both years . Domestic sewage and Offshore oil recorded
siginificant
Correct your spelling
significant
 rises,
whereas
Linking Words
 the shares of the remaining sources declined. Regarding the largest proportions,
Pollutants
Use synonyms
 from air
constituded
Correct your spelling
constituted
 the largest share in both years, at 30% and 29% respectively. The figure for Domestic sewage stood at 18% in the first given year.
Linking Words
however
Capitalize the word
However
show examples
, it increased to 29% in 2007, matching the same level as air
pollutants
Use synonyms
. Marine category recorded the second-largest share in 1997 (22%)
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 it dropped to 17% , ranking
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
third in 2007. Turning to the remaining sources,
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 figure for offshore oil experienced a dramatic increase from 5% to 14%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, Industrial waste dropped to 9% from17% in 2007. The figure for litter eliminated throughout the period.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
 farm waste saw 2% of decrease from 4% to 2$ in 2007.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words pollutants with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: