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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

there is an increasing trend around the world of marriage couples deciding not to have childern.Discuss the advantages and disadvantages

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Nowadays,an increasing trend has been seen in married couples not having
children
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.Even though it gives more freedom and financial balance,
but
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apply
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 it
also
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 has some drawbacks,
such
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 as a lack of family support
,
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apply
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reduce economic growth.
This
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 essay will discuss
pros
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the pros
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 and cons. On the one hand,
There
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there
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 are a lot of benefits in not planning
children
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 in married couples.
Firstly
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, without
baby
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a baby
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,they
donot
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do not
 have any
commitensts
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commitments
, so they can spend their free time together, or they can travel everywhere without any trouble.
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Secondly
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Secondly,
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 if they have
children
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, their financial burden can increase; they need to spend more money on schooling and looking after them, so without
children
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, it ultimately reduces the financial burden.
Moreover
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, they don't want to make any commitments for the future.
For example
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, in recent years,some couples choose not to have
children
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 because they want to focus on their careers or personal growth.
On the other hand
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,not having
children
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also
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 has some demerits. First and foremost , without
children
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, some people have very little support from family;
as a result
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, it is very tough in their older
age
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.
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Also
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Also,
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 many couple child free, the population may
age
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 quickly, and there are very few workers in old
age
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 . It may cause economical problem for the country .For instance, in
Japan
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Japan,
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 there are more older people than youngsters and
also
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children
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 are very rare.
Therefore
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, work-life balance is affected there.
Officially
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Officially,
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 they have to work extra hours for their economy . In my conclusion,
even though
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apply
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not having a baby gave more flexible career opportunities,
reduce
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reduced
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 commitments and personal growth.
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However
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However,
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 they may suffer
lack
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a lack
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 of support in their older
age
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and
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, and
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 economy may
effect
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affect
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.So ,everything
it
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apply
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depends upon their choice

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task response
Give fuller support for each main idea. For example, explain how free time can help a couple, or why an older person may need more help from family.
task response
Be more careful with broad claims. Not all people without children will have no family help, and not all countries with fewer children will have the same economic problems. Use words such as “may” or “can” and explain the link.
task response
Make the Japan example clearer. Say that fewer young workers can mean fewer people paying for services for older people. Do not say that children are “very rare” unless you explain what you mean.
task response
Your ending should state your own final view more clearly. At present, “it depends upon their choice” is too short. Say whether you think the good sides are stronger, the bad sides are stronger, or whether the choice is personal but needs thought.
coherence and cohesion
Use one clear topic sentence at the start of each body paragraph. For example: “One main benefit is that couples have more freedom.” Then give reasons and an example.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are joined in a confusing way. For example, “Even though it gives more freedom and financial balance, but...” should use either “Even though...” or “but”, not both.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly inside paragraphs. Use simple links such as “This means that”, “As a result”, and “For this reason” to show cause and result.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same idea about freedom, work, and future plans. Instead, make each point do a different job: free time, money, work goals, family help, and the country’s worker group.
task response
You discuss both the good and bad sides of not having children. Your main ideas are clear: more free time and less money stress, but less help in old age and possible problems for the country.
task response
You use examples about couples who want to focus on work and about Japan. These examples help make your ideas more real.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. The words “On the one hand” and “On the other hand” help the reader follow your two sides.
coherence and cohesion
Most paragraphs stay on one main point, so the reader can understand the general flow of your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • child-free couples
  • start a family
  • parental responsibilities
  • financial burden
  • childcare costs
  • disposable income
  • career development
  • personal fulfilment
  • greater flexibility
  • work-life balance
  • emotional readiness
  • long-term regret
  • companionship in old age
  • ageing population
  • declining birth rate
  • labour force shortage
  • social support system
  • pressure on natural resources
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