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Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, governments pay education fees for children. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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There is an ongoing debate about whether children's
education
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 bills should be paid
by
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for by
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governments
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 or not.
While
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 there are some drawbacks,
such
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 as placing a considerable economic burden on
governments
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, I strongly believe that the upsides of having kids' fees paid by
governments
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,
such
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 as equal access to
education
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 regardless of family income, can far outweigh the
downsides
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.
This
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 essay will elaborate on both sides and my position with relevant arguments and examples. On the one hand, one of the main advantages of having
education
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 fees paid by
governments
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 is that free
education
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 ensures
each
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that each
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 citizen
to
Verb problem
can
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 get
proper
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a proper
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education
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, which has considerable benefits in the long term. When they go to schools, they can comprehend traffic rules and raise awareness
environmental
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of environmental
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 issues. To illustrate, in Finland, where
education
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 is fully funded by the
government
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, schools place strong emphasis on subjects
such
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 as road safety and environmental studies, contributing to the country's consistently high levels of civic awareness among young people.
As a result
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, they can become careful drivers and develop a sense of responsibility
about
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for
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 the environment
,
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apply
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 when
education
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 becomes affordable.
On the other hand
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, paying school fees is more likely to place a strain on
government
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 budgets, which has significant
downsides
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 for other industries,
such
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 as healthcare. The
government
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 often feels under pressure to pay an enormous amount of money for children's
education
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, preventing
them
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it
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 from investing in healthcare. To illustrate, in Turkey,
although
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education
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 is free
for
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in
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 elementary schools, the healthcare system suffers from
the
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a
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 lack of resources.
Thus
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, prioritising free
education
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 can indirectly limit a
government
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's ability to fund other critical public services. In conclusion,
although
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 some feel that there are some
downsides
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of
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to
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 the bills, I firmly maintain that ensuring free
education
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 for all kids has great benefits,
such
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 as reducing the number of traffic accidents and building a concrete mindset for the environment. These upsides far outweigh the
downsides
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 because raising a responsible generation for the rules and the environment is better than a financial burden.

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task response
Make the good side more closely linked to the question of government-paid school fees. Road safety and care for the environment are good results of education, but explain more clearly why free access for poor families is the key benefit.
task response
Your final view says the good side is greater, but the reason is not fully strong. Compare the two sides more directly: say why the long-term gain for all children is greater than the cost to the state.
task response
Be careful with country examples. The point about Turkey needs clear proof. If you are not sure, use a general example instead, such as a state with a small budget that may need to share money between schools and health care.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas are weak. For example, after saying all children can get an education, move step by step: free school means more children attend; more children learn; this helps the whole country later.
coherence and cohesion
Use the same key words in each paragraph. “Education fees”, “school fees”, “bills”, and “free education” all appear. Choose one or two main terms so the argument feels more joined.
coherence and cohesion
The last paragraph repeats points but does not bring the full argument together. End by restating the main trade-off: states may face high costs, yet equal access to school brings a greater long-term gain.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid broad claims that are not fully explained, such as education making children careful drivers. Add a short reason or use a more direct point, such as higher work skills, less poverty, and a more equal start for children.
task response
You give a clear view from the start: free education has more good points than bad points. You also discuss both sides and answer the main question.
task response
Your Finland and Turkey examples help make your ideas more real and easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: start, one good point, one bad point, and an end. Each main paragraph has one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion” help the reader follow your argument.
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